


Thank you, Camp Willowtide

by Ageless_Daughter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Collars, Cuddling & Snuggling, Death Threats, Dom/sub, Face-Fucking, Falling In Love, First Time Blow Jobs, Hate Crimes, J-Squared, Kissing, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Riding, Rimming, Summer Camp, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-09
Updated: 2014-08-08
Packaged: 2018-02-08 04:49:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 29,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1927194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ageless_Daughter/pseuds/Ageless_Daughter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared Padalecki has been going to Camp Willowtide since he was old enough. It's his tenth year this summer, and nothing is the same as it used to be. Jared's just come to terms with his sexuality and at first is nervous about spending three months at an all-male summer camp. Things actually look okay when he arrives, until he meets Jensen Ackles, a head counselor, and the most perfect thing Jared has ever seen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In The Middle Of Summer

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction ever! Please please PLEASE leave comments after you read. I'm excited and scared that no one will enjoy this.
> 
> Obviously this story is totally fictional. If only it wasn't, am I right?

“Did you pack enough underwear, Jared?” The amount of distress in his mother’s tone is excruciating.

“Yes, mom. And I packed enough of everything else as well, just so we’re clear.” He tugs his duffel bag down the front steps and pushes a few sweaty curls off of his forehead. Chad honks the horn for the fifth time and turns the radio up ever higher.

“Honey,” Mrs. Padalecki calls from the doorway. Jared turns, awaiting another question or lecture. Instead, he sees worry flash across her face, but it disappears into a smile. “Have fun.”

“He will!” Chad yells over the music. Jared laughs and waves back at his mom, smiling. She may be a little overbearing at times, but he loves her all the same. The passenger door of Chad’s car creaks painfully when Jared pulls it open. Plopping down onto the burning hot leather seat, he throws his bag into the back and slams the door shut with a satisfying clang.

Chad smiles and puts on a fake worried face. “Did you remember to bring your –” 

“Shut the fuck up, Chad. Let’s get to camp,” Jared laughs and cuts him off, hitting Chad in the arm halfheartedly.

*******

The drive to camp is hot. The air conditioning in Chad’s car stopped working fifteen minutes after they left town, no matter how many times Jared slammed his fist on the dash. Even with the windows open, there’s no relief from the stifling heat. Chad seems fine with it, driving fifteen over the speed limit with a smile cracking his face. Jared feels miserable. He’s really pumped for camp, of course, but not all of it, necessarily.

He and Chad have been going to Camp Willowtide since Jared was six. Chad’s a year older, so some years they would be in the same age group, and other years, they would be separated. This year, Jared is fifteen and Chad is sixteen, so Jared is still a camper and Chad has to be an assistant counselor. Jared was expecting Chad to be pissed about that fact, having to deal with kids and all, but based on the way he’s laughing to the comedian on the radio and swerving dangerously in and out of traffic, he’s pretty okay with it. Jared’s glad that he’s still a camper. It may be a little annoying to have his days scheduled and have to share a cabin with four other boys, but being in the oldest age group means that you get to bend the rules. The counselors don’t technically give a fuck what the older kids do, as long as they don’t get themselves or anyone else thrown out.

So on one hand this summer is going to be awesome: more freedom than ever, the hot sun, a chilly lake, friends, and maybe a few drinks here and there. But on the other hand, Willowtide is an all male summer camp. And usually that’s fine. There’s no bitching or whining, no screaming about the temperature of the lake water, no mixed messages and misinterpreted reactions. It’s always been awesome, the last ten years, not having to worry about fucking estrogen and all the ways it ruins the world.

It’s just that, maybe this year that won’t be so great. Because, maybe being around a hundred other guys isn’t the best thing for Jared. Especially when he has to live with a bunch of them, all shameless with their tanned bodies and their boxer briefs and their testosterone buzzing fifteen-year-old bodies lying three feet away.

Shit. The truth is, Jared found out he was gay in March, just over three months ago. He was watching a movie with his sister and there was this guy in it. And you know, Jared knew a good looking guy when he saw one, but this guy? Wow. He had only half of his clothes on for a large majority of the film and Jared found himself hard in his sweats every time the stupid guy would smile just right. Within the next few days, he realized that maybe he’d never been completely straight, but it was clear now. Girls just seemed to lose their appeal. But give him a man in a pair of jeans and a tight t shirt, and Jared was drooling like Pavlov’s dog.

So being surrounded by sweaty guys and having hormones that don’t know what the fuck is the right time and the wrong time? Not exactly an inviting scenario. His dick might think otherwise, but that’s just part of the problem.

“Jay.” Chad smiles from the driver’s seat, “why don’t you stop being a little bitch over there and hand me a Dr. Pepper?”

“I’m not being a bitch. I’m just… anxious?” Jared grasps for a word that describes the feeling in his gut. Nope.

“Sounds bitchy to me. Is this about the rainbow problem?” Chad snickers as Jared reaches back for a bottle of pop. Of course he had told Chad bout being gay when he’d finally come to terms. They’d been friends since before they could talk; Jared wasn’t worried about Chad being his friend after he knew. The jokes, taunts, songs, and code names (rainbow problem?) are what he didn’t anticipate.

“Oh whatever,” Jared sighs, handing the bottle to Chad, “I’m just nervous about being cooped up with a load of other guys. What if it’s complete torture now?”

“I think if you just calm your ass down it’ll all be fine.” Chad claps him on the shoulder as he pulls down a dirt road. “No pun intended.”

“Oh, come on!” Jared yells and can’t help but laugh. Shadows of the trees that line the road dance across the windshield as they crawl down the bumpy path. Ahead, Jared can see the sign of the camp, and a smile pulls at the corners of his mouth, just like one does every year. The smell of pines and wood smoke waft through the window. The boys grin at each other and Chad drives faster down the road. Part of the dread and nervousness that was stuck in Jared’s stomach turns into excitement. Maybe this won’t be so bad after all.

*******

And it seems that way after he gets to his cabin as well. There are three beds open, not counting the counselor’s quarters, when Jared goes inside his cabin. Cabin N is what he’s assigned to this year, one of the three cabins for the fourteen and fifteen year old age group. He chooses the one next to a window and sets his bag down. He sits and starts digging for a set of sheets.

“Hey, man. My name’s Jack.” Jared startles slightly at the voice behind him. He stands up and is pleasantly surprised. This guy is not Jared’s type. And it seems like none of the other guys, including the two that just walked in, are either. Whew.

“I’m Jared,” he says as he shakes Jack’s outstretched hand. Jack’s built like a defensive tackle, almost as tall as Jared’s 6’1” with wide shoulders and a wide everything else, really. Since he introduced himself immediately, Jared decides they’re probably going to be friends.

“I’m Matt,” says another kid. If Jack’s built like a defensive tackle, Matt’s built like a spaghetti noodle. Long arms, long legs, freakishly long neck, and the pale skin to match. Jared can’t laugh, though, because he was built like a stick, too, for a while. At the moment, he’s especially thankful he filled out. Jared nods at Matt and moves on to the next two boys, who are spilling their bedding onto the last two beds. One looks up and smacks the other on the arm.

“Hey, my name is Chris and this is my twin brother Joseph.” And no kidding, too. The only difference Jared can see between the two is their hair cuts. Joseph’s is cut shorter and is messy on top, while Chris has his longer. They’ve both got to be a foot shorter than Jared, and they look like dolls next to Jack’s width and height.

“Well it’s really nice to meet you guys. Have you all been here before? I’ve been coming since I was six.” Jared addresses them all as he sits back down on his bed and starts searching for a pillow case. Most of the guys say they’ve been to Willowtide before. Only Matt says it’s his first year, he just moved to the area a few months ago. After settling in, the guys all sit around and share camp stories, laughing and occasionally giving Matt some valuable advice. The afternoon passes quickly into evening, and Jared learns that he didn’t forget anything for once. He stashes his duffel under his bed and finds a key there, amidst the dust bunnies. He wonders what it goes to and how it found its way under this bed, but just sticks it in the pocket of his shorts for safe keeping. You never know.

Suddenly, the loudspeaker in their cabin crackles to life and a deep voice announces that dinner and introduction is in five minutes. Jack leads the way through the woods and across the sports fields to the mess hall. Inside, they find the table labeled “N” and sit down as the others file in. Dan MacMorren, the camp director, stands at one end of the hall after all of the campers have entered, and quiets everyone down.

“Welcome to summer at Camp Willowtide! I am Dan, your friend and camp director. We are very excited to begin another year at camp, we have some all new activities for you this season. Before we get too far, we need to announce the counselors for cabins J through O, the older cabins.” Cheers echo through the hall and some people stand up on the tables. Every year, the most seasoned counselors try to get one of the older cabins, so the announcement of these positions is a real big thing. As each cabin gets its counselors, there are good and bad reactions. Cabin N has two counselors and one assistant counselor, as always. One of the counselors is Caleb, a friend of Jared’s and Chad’s from their many years at camp, who is three years older than them. The other is Marcus, a stoner and real laid back guy that never gave anybody trouble. Jared thinks N hit the jackpot this year. Looks like luck is on his side even more when somehow, Chad gets assigned to N as well. When he walks over to the group, he smacks Jared on the back and then wraps an arm around Caleb’s shoulders.

Dinner is macaroni and cheese and tastes just how Jared remembers. Chad goes and eats at the counselor’s table. It’s weird to not have him nearby, but not terrible. The guys in Cabin N seem like they’re all going to get along really well and have a lot of fun. When Jared can’t possibly eat any more, he sits back in his chair and looks around at the other people filling the hall. There’s not really a ton of guys that catch Jared’s eye. A few do, like the blonde in Cabin O. He’s got blue eyes, sun bleached hair, and a tan that disappears tantalizingly beneath the fabric of his blue Superman t shirt. His big hands grip the edge of the table when he laughs, making Jared swallow around his tongue. Those hands, those giant strong Superman hands, stop thinking about them.

He rips his stare away and thinks as intensely as he can about the time he broke his nose. When any threat of embarrassment has passed, he resumes his scan of the mess hall. There are no more guys that really seem worth looking at, other than blonde Superman from Cabin O. He spots Chad across the room and recognizes most of the counselors at the table. Chad is talking to a guy at the table, who he is also blocking from Jared’s view. From what he can see, he doesn’t know this guy. God damn Chad and his giant head. Frustrated, he turns back to his own table and finds the other four guys playing a game of tic-tac-toe on the table with salt and pepper packets.

After three more games, it’s time to finish dinner, so everyone takes their dishes to the kitchen window and throws their garbage away. Jared sees Chad talking to that counselor again, but this time he’s hidden by a flag that’s hanging out from the wall they’re leaning on. What the fuck. He stalks back to Cabin N’s table and starts wiping it off. A hand lands on his shoulder and he turns to see Chad smiling up at him. Next to him is that counselor, but he’s turned the other way, yelling at Dan across the hall.

“Hey Jare, I just thought I’d introduce you to one of this year’s head counselors. He’s new, but he worked at Camp Birchcliff, you know the brother camp? So he knows Dan well.” Jared hears Chad talking but he only catches the first few thoughts because that counselor has turned around. 

And that counselor has green eyes. Not even like normal green, but like strange crystal green. And that counselor has a fucking girl mouth that makes a heartbreaking crooked smile when he nods and winks a Jared in a much too sexy hello. And that counselor has fucking freckles and what the serious fuck is Jared being punished like this for? With the eyes and the mouth and the messy light brown hair that begs to be pulled on…

“Jared?” Chad snaps his fingers in front of Jared’s face until he fades back into reality. Oh shit, was he staring that whole time? Oh shit, he’s still staring!

“Uh yeah, ah… B-Birchcliff, huh?” Jared stumbles over his words as he rubs at the back of his neck. He can feel a prickly blush sliding its way up his face. Oh shit.

“Yeah, it was fun, but I’ve always wanted to work at Willowtide. I camped here when I was eight,” that counselor says with his pouty girl mouth.

“I’m sorry,” Jared laughs and rolls his eyes at himself. He’s being such a chick. “What did you say your name was?”

“Oh yeah, it’s fine. Jensen. My name’s Jensen Ackles.” That counselor – Jensen, he has a name – takes his hand from his pocket and extends it to Jared.

“Well it’s nice to meet you, Jensen. If you don’t know already, I’m Jared.” He takes Jensen’s warm hand and tries his best to make the handshake manly. He definitely doesn’t want Jensen thinking he’s a kid.

“Yeah I’ve heard a lot about you already from Chad. Only good things.”

“Only good things so far, buddy boy!” Chad cuts in and smacks Jared on the ass. Why all the hitting today? They all laugh at Chad’s comment and then Dan directs everyone to go to their cabins and finish getting settled in before the first campfire. Jensen tells Jared goodbye with a firm squeeze to his shoulder and another wink. As he walks to his cabin, he sees Jensen walking to Cabin P with the other head counselors.

“Well, well, well. Looks like you’ve found somebody to focus your fantasies on for the summer.” It’s Chad who runs up behind Jared and laughs this in his ear. There’s no use denying it.

“No shit, Chad. Laugh all you want.”

“Actually, I’m not going to because I think he’s a really cool guy. And even I can see that he’s pretty. Wonder if he’s got a sister…” Chad smiles genuinely at Jared and bumps his shoulder.

“Yeah well,” Jared says as he throws one last glance at Jensen before being consumed by the thick forest, “chances are he’s not gay, and even if he was, he’s what, 21? And –”

“19 actually.”

“He’d never be into me. So I’ll just stop while I’m ahead,” he kicks a stone down the path to Cabin N.

“Well, Jare. Maybe not.” Chad stops walking in front of Jared and puts a hand on his chest. “I’m serious, man. Don’t sell yourself short.”

*******

While in the cabin, Jared decides to change out of his shorts and into a pair of jeans for the campfire. He pulls off his shorts and hears a metallic thud. It’s the key that he’d found under his bed earlier. He picks it up and puts it into the pocket of the jeans he just put on. Maybe it will be useful sometime. Or, you know, open the door to a place where he doesn’t have to think about the way Jensen’s t shirt clings to his chest. Or the way he looked in his cargo shorts, walking away. Or –

“C’mon Jared!” Jack yells from the door of the cabin; suddenly it’s time to walk to the campfire. Jared turns around to face him and smiles warily. They walk over the sports fields once again but they pass the mess hall to go to the edge of the lake. The fire has already started and the kids ages six through eleven are already sitting contentedly on their logs. The younger kids started at the fire earlier, and the older kids get to stay out later. Jared sits with Jack on one side, and eventually Chad finds him and sits on the other. The head counselors approach and Jared lets himself stare at Jensen. He is dressed in a pair of tight jeans that show the adorable bow of his legs and a tight, teal Willowtide polo that’s just a little bit too short. He sits directly across the fire from Jared and gives him another crooked smile. Jared smiles back immediately and gives a tiny little wave that he wants to smack himself for.

After singing multiple campfire songs and the official Willowtide tune, the younger kids are yawning and rubbing their eyes. Dan says it’s time for them to go back to their cabins. The boys that are ten and eleven groan and complain to their counselors, but Jared hears promises of another hour awake in the cabin if they stop whining. After they leave, everyone who’s left gets up and moves to one side of the fire. Jared ends up sitting in the front row of logs, and Jensen is sitting behind him. Figures.

Dan thanks everyone for putting up with the little kids for the hour they were together, and everyone chuckles. He continues on, telling everyone that there have been a lot of improvements in the camp since last year and it’s important that they value these things. There’s a new swimming dock, new canoes and paddles, and the sports equipment was updated with donations from a local sporting goods store. They all assure him that they’ll take care of the new additions to the camp.

“You play any sports, kid?” A silky voice whispers next to Jared’s ear. He shivers, the sound making the hairs on his neck stand up. Jensen.

“Um, yeah. I, uh, play soccer. And I swim for a local club team, too,” he says quietly, knowing his stupid voice sounds much less masculine than Jensen’s.

“Oh, too bad. I’m more of a football kind of guy myself. Shoulda guessed you’d be a soccer boy. Nice long legs,” Jensen whispers, the air skimming against his cheek. Did Jensen just give him a compliment?

“Football? I’m not surprised either. Gotta wear a mask to protect your…” pretty face. He wants to say, but that’d really blow his cover.

“Protect my what?” He shifts closer, his knee pressing slightly into Jared’s spine. Just that slight contact – intentional or not – makes heat blossom inside Jared’s chest.

“You know, your face. Don’t want to get it all busted up?” What an idiot thing to say. Jensen chuckles and lays his forehead against Jared’s shoulder as he shakes with light laughter.

“Don’t get worked up, I’m just messing with you, Jared.” He realizes that’s the first time he’s heard Jensen say his name. And he likes it. Especially in the hushed, gravely tone Jensen said it in. “What else do you do for fun? Read, play board games, plant flowers?”

“Yeah, I like reading. And I like the wild, that’s one of the reasons I love coming to camp so much every year. I like building things in the woods, and I love the idea of just living off of the resources there for a while. I just like the quiet, too, the way it can be so silent but not uncomfortable at the same…” Jared realizes he’s talking too much, probably because he’s nervous and intimidated. Jensen’s quiet for a while before he taps Jared’s ribs with his fingers.

“Why’d you stop?” He asks and tugs at the side of Jared’s shirt.

“I know you probably don’t care about my love for being alone in the woods.” He laughs at himself and shakes his head.

“I do care. I asked didn’t I? I think that’s really cool. Not many people your age care about simple things like that anymore.”

“My age? We’re the same generation, Jensen.” He knows that’s probably the wrong thing to say, but Jensen called him “kid” earlier and that’s just not okay.

“My bad. You’re fifteen right?” Jensen apologizes by leaning in to Jared’s side, and for a moment his warmth feels overwhelming.

“Yeah. Chad told me you’re nineteen.” Jared turns to face Jensen finally, and regrets it immediately. The scarlet firelight is fluttering across his features, somehow defining them and softening them at the same time. He looks dauntingly beautiful. Their mouths are inches apart and Jared licks his lips out of habit and anticipation for something that won’t happen. Jensen’s eyes track the movement for a fraction of a second and when he looks up, he looks like he’s about to say something. Instead he hesitates, and bites his puffy bottom lip and smiles before leaning back in his seat. The two stare at each other in a silent confusion until Jared can’t handle him anymore, and faces the fire once again.

*******

The rest of the campfire passes without event, just conversations with Chad about school next year and their excitement to get out on the water. Near the end of the night, Jared is just watching the flames when he sees a head counselor, Tyler, approach Dan. He can just hear them over the murmurs behind him. Something about the guest cabin. And then Dan says there are no guests this year, they’ll get a new copy made. Copy? Guest house?

Jared’s hand flies to his pocket. He can feel the key under his fingertips. It makes sense. The guest cabin key must be missing, and Jared has it. The good thing to do would be to turn it in and say he found it, tell the truth. When he starts to stand, however, he stops. He just heard Dan tell Tyler there is no one coming that will need the guest cabin. Usually a guest speaker or a performer will visit during the summer and need somewhere to stay, so they use this little one room cabin. Just a bedroom, the guest cabin. But if there’s no one coming who needs it, what’s the big deal if he keeps the key? Who knows what might happen this summer? Maybe he’ll need it to escape a murderer, or hide a body… or have some privacy with someone.

The thought makes Jared’s insides seize. He closes his eyes and tries to not imagine the opportunities this key suggests. Luckily, Chad elbows Jared and tells him it’s time to go back. Jared stands awkwardly, doing everything in his power to not look in Jensen’s direction. Fucking guest cabin key and all its promises. He hurries away from the fire and towards the fields, half running in a way that he’s sure is very attractive.

When he gets to Cabin N he’s the first one there, thankfully. He paces around frantically, guilt boiling in his stomach, mixed with excitement and hope. Eventually he calms down and convinces himself that it’s not that big of a deal. He’ll keep the key and most likely not use it and just put it where he found it when he leaves for home. Problem solved.

When the other seven get back, four campers and three counselors, Jared is getting into his pajamas. The others do the same and they decide it’s been a long day. When they are all laying down, the only sound the hiss of cicadas and distant voices, Jared realizes he’s scared out of his mind. Usually camp is the only place he feels free and relaxed. Now, he has no idea how the hell this summer is going to play out, and how he’ll deal with it.

“I can hear you thinking all the way over here, Padalecki,” he hears Chad whisper.

“Shut up!” Everyone else yells in unison.

*******

Morning comes way too early, making breakfast and morning chores pass in a hazy state of half-consciousness. By the time the first activity session starts, Jared feels awake. Cabin N is scheduled for arts and crafts, which Jack yells about for fifteen minutes, but Jared’s alright with. He’s sort of always liked drawing, so he’s never had a problem with the arts and crafts time. He finds some white paper, a normal pencil, and a corner to sit in before he starts. First he draws the lake, with a canoe floating fifty yards out. It sucks so he crumples it up and starts new. He tries a few more times to draw nature scenes but they look stupid. He decides to draw a random face, starting with a pinched brow and focused eyes. They’re not great, but they look a little better when he adds the firm, straight nose and jaw line.

Except, he has to stop there, because he knows exactly who this is a picture of. It’s not a random face like his sketches usually are. He decides the drawing is too creepy without the rest of its features, so he finishes. The finished portrait is, honestly, something to be proud of. He got the jaw a little too round, and the nose a tiny bit wide, but it’s definitely him. He glances around the room like a criminal before folding the sheet an stuffing it in the back pocket of his shorts.

“Lunch is in five minutes.” The loudspeaker in the arts and crafts shack announces, and everyone gets up and makes their way to the mess hall. Jared sees blonde Superman from Cabin O walking ahead of him and wonders if there’s a better chance of getting with him than with Jensen. Jared speeds up to overhear his conversation with another camper.

“…been together for almost a year. We’ve gone through a lot of crap together. I mean, her mother died of lung cancer in December and she was sad for a long time. But it didn’t make me angry that she was so distant. I just wanted her more,” Superman says in disbelief.

“You think you love her, Louis?” His ginger friend asks.

Superman Louis swallows audibly and looks right at him. “Yeah. Holy shit.”

Definitely not gay.

For lunch, there’s tuna fish sandwiches and pudding. Dan tells everyone that there was a black bear spotted in the camp last night, which makes many of the six and seven year old kids start bawling. Dan apologizes to the counselors who have to comfort the crying children, but soon enough they’re laughing again and eating Oreo pudding from spoons too big for their hands.

Jared hears his name in a conversation and turns nonchalantly to see why. Of course, it’s Chad and Jensen who are talking about him. They probably just mentioned him in passing, so Jared turns back to his tuna and keeps one ear open.

“Are you serious? Jared? Oh my god! I fucking knew it!” He hears Jensen yell immediately, however. Whatever is happening over there is bad, very bad. It needs to stop. He quickly stands up from his seat and practically sprints over to the counselor’s table, running into it with absolutely no finesse.

“Heyyy, guys! I heard you talking about me. And that’s sort of not cool in general. So, I just came over here to clear that up.” When neither of them responds, Jared lets his vision focus out of the scared rage he was in. Chad has a fist pressed to his lips, and he’s shaking slightly with what must be suppressed laughter. He looks up at Jared and smiles a real happy smile when he drops his hand. What is happening? Jared turns to Jensen and is even more confused.

He’s got his head tilted down, a pretty blush crawling all over his neck and cheeks, he has that plush bottom lip worried between his teeth, and his glance is skittering all over the table and room in front of him. Everywhere but Jared.

Then Jensen, the lucky bastard, gets saved by the announcement that lunch is over and the next activity session is beginning. That is, until five minutes later, when Jared has PE time. And it just so happens that Jensen leads that activity. He decides to have them play football. Jared thinks this is a little obnoxious, but by the way Jensen is avoiding his looks and standing as far away from Jared as physically possible, he realizes he has some sort of upper hand. So Jared says that he thinks they should play shirts and skins, and literally every other guy agrees. They play Cabin N, skins by vote of Jared, versus Cabin O, shirts, counselors and all, eight on a team. And if Jensen blows the whistle with a little too much gusto, it’s only because he’s excited that the campers are so into the game.

Jared tries his absolute hardest. He runs with all he has, even hits a few guys when he’s not supposed to in the first place, and makes sure that Jensen is watching. Cabin N wins twenty one to six, but Jared’s celebratory whoops turn into a silent gasp when he sees the smug smile on Jensen’s mouth. That’s not right. Jared’s supposed to have the upper hand. All the confidence he’d had in the last hour falls like the Berlin Wall when he sees the folded paper held casually in Jensen’s hand. He’s back to the nervous, shy, little fifteen year old camper he was at lunch when he feels that the back pockets of his shorts are empty. Jensen walks over with a little extra arrogance, takes his time and makes Jared really notice for the first time that Jensen has an inch or two on him. He feels a blush spring up on his cheeks, but he holds eye contact nonetheless.

“Drop something, kid?” Jensen smirks after he stops much too closely to Jared. He doesn’t offer the page to Jared, just holds it at his side. Why is he standing so close? What changed?

“Yeah, I did,” Jared says, his voice cracking under the pressure of Jensen’s curious yet pretentious stare. He makes an attempt to snatch the drawing, but Jensen just pulls his arm back and uses the other hand to knock Jared’s arm down.

“Whoa, whoa, tiger.” Jensen laughs and takes a step closer to Jared, if that’s even possible. “I’m going to keep this. And you,” he says, pressing two fingers almost too gently into the sweaty center of Jared’s chest, “are going to do fifty pushups.”

“What? Why?” Jared lifts his face to Jensen’s, neither of them wanting to let down and move back an inch. Neither of them wanting to move an inch at all.

“Illegal contact.” He replies plainly, and turns away. He turns back suddenly, leans in to Jared’s ear, and whispers, “and just because I want to watch.”

*******

If doing pushups makes you light headed, doing pushups while all your blood is in your achingly hard dick is brain-damaging. Jensen not only studies Jared intensely, but counts out loud the entire time, too, so Jared can’t even cheat, and he certainly isn’t going to quit. All the other guys go to their cabins to get cleaned up before dinner, leaving the fields deserted in the falling sunlight except for Jensen and Jared. When Jensen finally counts to fifty and Jared stands, chest flushed from exertion, he doesn’t do anything to hide his arousal. There’s no point, it’s not as if Jensen wasn’t teasing him intentionally. He just stands, grabs his shirt from the field, and stares at Jensen, who deliberately takes a full look at the sweaty form in front of him.

“Anything else you want before I go?” Jared asks, not sure what he intends. Why is Jensen looking at him like that? When did this happen?!

“No, I think that’s good for today,” he says, all business-like and counselor-y. Then he smiles and laughs out loud, back to the nineteen year old Jensen that Jared met just yesterday. “Jesus Christ, kid. Go take care of yourself. No one wants to see that.”

“Oh, fuck you, Jen,” Jared says, holding his t shirt a little lower. “You didn’t have to go and…”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say. I think you’re making shit up.” He waves dismissively at Jared but smiles knowingly. “And yes, you can call me Jen.”

“I didn’t ask. But while we’re on the subject, how about you stop calling me ‘kid,’ then?”

“Why would I do that?” Jensen cocks his head and smiles.

“Because…” Jared tries to think of something witty or flirtatious, but he can’t. “Because I don’t like it and… I don’t really know what the hell is happening to me all the sudden, but I think you referring to me as a kid should not be part of it.”

“Yeah, I think you’re right,” Jensen says and just looks at Jared for a pause, then gathers up the footballs and leaves. “See you later, Jared.”

“Yeah,” Jared says back as he turns the other way, towards the woods, “Jen.” He says it quietly to himself, with a smile he’s never felt before.

*******

Dinner is pizza, which makes this weird/good day even better. After showering and putting on some clean clothes, Jared was a little late to dinner. All Jensen’s fault by the way. What wasn’t? Jared’s laughing with Joseph and Chris about something that had happened earlier in the cabin without him. Even though they interrupt each other constantly and finish each other’s sentences, the twins sure can tell a tale.

After dinner, Dan quiets everyone down and asks how the first full day of camp was. The cheers and screams can surely be heard for miles. Dan says that he’s proud of the way chores were done in the morning and how nicely the kids who had swimming and boating treated the new equipment. The appreciation is evident and authentic in his face and voice. After a little more of a chat and a few announcements, he says that a storm is rolling in so there will be no campfire tonight. Jared’s a little upset but resists the urge to see if Jensen is, too. They are dismissed to their cabins and the hall bursts into life, people rushing towards the doors to get out, voices raised.

Just as Jared and the other N residents get to the cabin, the rain starts. And it shows no signs of letting up. Since it’s a little early to go to bed, they boys stay up and play Cards Against Humanity, Chad included. Time passes quickly and eventually Chad suggests that they should get some sleep. Thunder shakes the walls. As Jared is about to get ready for bed, he realizes that he left his bag in the bath house that has his night time medication in it. The counselors are wary of letting him out in a storm, but he promises he won’t get struck by lighting and expresses the importance of this medication.

He hurries in the rain through the woods, then cuts across a corner of the cleared area to the bath houses. There’s a single light on inside and he assumes it’s just one of the older counselors getting ready for bed late.

Boy was he right. As he enters the bath house, he can see and hear that a shower is running. But when he stalks silently across the dark room to the sinks where he left his bag, he stops dead in his tracks. He feels the blood in his body pump faster than ever, pounding louder in his ears than the frequent thunder outside… after he hears it.

“Oh, fuck…” The moan comes from the dimly lit shower stall across the bath house. Jared has a very high suspicion of who is making those noises and they are confirmed when he takes two steps to the left and can see into the stall.

“Jen…” Jared calls silently. He must have assumed that no one would come around, because the curtain is open about eight inches. That, and he’s jerking off in there, making loud noises unheard by anyone else. Except Jared.

Without the mask of clothing, Jared realizes just how gorgeous Jensen is. He has what seems like miles of flawlessly freckled, tan skin. His muscled arms and hard body equate to a form that every guy wishes he could have. His body is so much more masculine than Jared expected, only a trim waist and slim hips noticeable until now. Jared’s breath catches when Jensen lets out a keening noise as he writhes against the tiled wall. The way those high-pitched, begging noises come from such a powerful body is so fucking sexy.

“Mmm… Oh, fuck, fuck…” Jensen whines as he leans back and strokes himself with solid, steady hands. Jared nearly chokes on the want that bubbles up inside of him. He falls to his knees, the noise conveniently disguised behind a crack of thunder. He licks his lips and revels in the way his cock fills to blindingly hard. He quickly undoes the tie on this pajama shorts and slides a hand into his boxers, sitting on his heels, legs spread.

Jensen changes positions, turns to face the shower wall, his legs spread almost as far as Jared’s, cheek pressed against the tile. His red mouth hangs slightly open, and expression of bliss strewn across his flushed, dripping face. He pumps himself a little faster as seconds pass, deep grunts fading into breathy whines of frustration. With a wet hand, Jensen slides his free hand up the length of his torso, stopping on a nipple with a gasp and a jerk of his hips.

Jared can’t believe this is happening. His cock twitches painfully in his hand when Jensen tugs at his nipple and lets out a groan that could cause miracles. Precome leaks steadily from the tip of his dick, making the slide wet and hot. Wet and hot like Jensen in that god damn shower, ten feet away.

“Shit, shit, shit,” Jensen pleads to no one. “Oh fuck me, oh, shit.”

“Shit.” Jared echoes him, feeling his orgasm start to gather in his gut. He has to move more to the left when Jensen bends over more, his back arched beautifully. If only that stupid curtain was open more he could see…

The problem is solved when Jensen shifts to lean against the other wall of the stall, giving Jared a view of his perfect ass and the water running down it. Jared licks his lips as he watches the droplets find their way down the curve of Jensen’s ass.

“Christ, fuck.” Jensen curses before bringing his fingers up to his mouth and slides two past his round lips. Jared presses his eyes shut and nearly loses it right then, having to squeeze the hell out of the base of his cock to stop from coming. He opens his eyes to find Jensen laving over those fingers, lips stretched perfectly.

“Oh my god,” Jared whispers. What that mouth would feel like sealed around his cock. Jensen looking up at him from his knees, trying to swallow around Jared’s length.

“Mmmmm.” Jensen whines, disappointed, when his own fingers leave his mouth. “Oh, yeah, fuck. C’mon, Fuck.” He gets even louder as his shaking hand makes its way downward. He moves his feet further apart and bends himself over like a porn star.

“Oh, no. Oh shit, oh my god, Jensen, oh fuck. Oh fuck,” Jared whispers hoarsely into the dark, the edge of his orgasm clawing at him.

And when Jensen’s fingers slide down from the base of his spine, head bowed, breathing heavy, Jared holds his breath. Jensen pushes them down into the divine cleft of his ass, leaning over even more, so the dark pink of his hole is visible, clenching on nothing. He takes one more breath and then lets his fingers pass roughly over the sensitive pucker of his ass, responding to the touch with a low, mangled groan.

Jared cries out softly instead of letting out a scream as he comes inside his boxers, back flexing and muscles contracting in ecstasy. He comes and comes until he feels like he’s going to die or at least pass out. When he finally comes down, he realizes that Jensen came, too. His eyes are closed, he’s breathing in deep pained breaths, come washing obediently down the drain. Jared can’t believe he just fucking saw that, did that. He takes a breath and grabs his bag, running out into the storm to leave Jensen in the bath house to be alone, like he thought he’d been all along.


	2. All Was Golden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared's time at Willowtide continues, confused, excited, and hopeful about Jensen. When an opportunity arises to spend most of his time at Jensen's side, he takes it. By the end of the day, it's clear that he made the definite right choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who read and commented on chapter 1. Here's chapter 2! Keep reading.
> 
> The song in this chapter is Hidden Love written by the beautiful Jon Walker.  
> Listen here please: http://jonwalker.bandcamp.com/track/hidden-love  
> He is an indie artist and makes money only from our support.  
> Here's his website: http://jonwalkermusic.com/
> 
> PLEASE COMMENT IT MAKES MY DAY!

Jared sleeps like shit. After an orgasm, especially one as amazing as the one he had in the bath house, he usually sleeps awesome. But tonight, it’s different. He feels guilty for watching Jensen without him knowing, he feels scared that he’s going to get found out, and he feels confused because of the day in general. Just last night, Jensen had talked with him at the campfire, hardly saying anything that could be seen as flirtatious. But today, Jensen had made Jared perform for him so he could watch, making him do those pushups. And then he’d obviously appreciated what he saw afterwards. What had made him change his opinion towards Jared so quickly? The springs in Jared’s bed poke into his side so he sighs and rolls over to look out the window. Thunder heads block out the moon and pour rain continuously between the trees.

Morning comes with a vengeance. All the water that fell the night before is now hanging in the seventy five degree air, and it’s only six thirty. By the time all of N is walking through the dense woods to breakfast, it’s almost eighty and the air feels thick on their skin. The sports fields are flooded when they make it to the edge of the trees, so Jack decides they should walk along the edges to get to the mess hall. Jared grits his teeth when he realizes this means they’ll pass the bath houses, let alone the head counselor cabin.

Scenes from previous night flash through Jared’s mind. Jensen’s voice saying fuck me, his fingers slipping between those deliciously red lips, his legs shaking and back flexing as he touched himself. Jared shakes his head and curses under his breath. How is he going to face –

“Jensen!” Chad runs over to the group of counselors exiting Cabin P. He high fives Jensen and then casually leads him over to the rest of the group that’s heading to breakfast.

“Hey Jared,” Jensen says with a nervous smile, “how was your night?”

“If you only knew.” Jared laughs awkwardly and keeps his eyes pointing straight ahead.

“Whoa! Sounds like you’ve got a story to tell!” Chad yells and laughs out loud.

“Not this time, Chad.” Jared smiles and jogs ahead of the group. He’s one of the first older kids in the mess hall, only younger ones from A, C, and H have arrived. Thankful for the bit of peace, he finds a seat at N’s table and puts his forehead against his crossed arms. He can hear people filter in gradually until the hall is whirring with voices.

Dan whistles to calm everyone down and begins to talk as the kitchen staff starts to put food on the table. He explains that the PE activity times will have to be changed because the fields will be unusable for about a week. Since that leaves an activity section open, Dan says he and some of the head counselors have decided to replace that with an extra swimming hour. Most likely because of the heat. Jared’s totally fine with this, too. Like he’d told Jensen, he swims on a local team so he’s happy to be in the water even more. His head still down on the table, he can smell waffles and maple syrup. When Dan finishes his announcements and says it’s time to eat, Jared finally lifts his head. Jack asks him if he’s alright and he just says he had a hard night. Internally, he winces at the unintentional pun. The guys ask him nothing more, so he eats his waffles quietly, trying his best not to chance a look over at Jensen.

When breakfast is done and the mess hall is cleaned up, Jared gets up from his seat and stretches the kinks from his back. Dan announces the chores that each cabin will have this morning before everyone leaves.

“…Cabin L will be collecting trash from all of the cabins. Cabin M will be finding and chopping wood for tonight’s campfire. Cabin N will be cleaning the bath house. Cabin O will…”

The bath house. Jared can’t help but think that he’s being punished, yet again. There’s just no way that a coincidence like this can happen. As he turns around to leave, a warm hand slides up the side of his ribs.

“What the – ?” Jared spins to face his assaulter.

“Oh, sorry.” It’s Jensen. “I didn’t mean to… I thought it’d be… Sorry.”

“No it’s fine, you can…” Why does Jared always blush? He laughs and dips his head. “Hi.”

“Hi. Wanna sit down?” Jensen smiles and pulls out a chair for Jared. That should not make his stomach flip like that. He’s not a fucking girl.

“Well, I have to go do my chores...”

“I’ve taken care of it. I need to talk to you.” Jensen sits in his own chair and rests his elbow on the table. It makes his yellow Willowtide polo ride up. Jared swallows.

“O-okay.” Jared sits.

“Well, as you heard, my position as PE activity director has been temporarily suspended until the fields dry out. And, last night before I went to bed,” Jared coughs, “Dan called me and Tyler into his office to figure out what we wanted to do. Tyler was going to be the full time swimming director this year, but he’s already been complaining about how big the new swimming area is. He can’t handle it by himself, but he hates working in groups… Okay whatever. The point is, I’m the new swimming guy and Tyler, the bitch, gets a week off pretty much.” Jared waits for him to continue, but Jen just sits there with an expectant smile.

“And... What the hell does this have to do with me?”

“Oh! Right. Well, Tyler’s not lying, the swim area needs more supervision. But Dan didn’t want to sacrifice any counselors, so I suggested that… You know, maybe you’d want… want to do it with me? Like, be an assistant swim director?” Jensen chews on the corner of his mouth when he’s done talking.

“Well, why me?”

“Because I really… because you said you’re on a swim team?”

“Mmhmm. I’ll think about it.” He smiles and stands, then adds, “now I’ve got to go clean the showers.”

Jared’s not sure if he imagines the look in Jensen’s eyes or not. As he leaves the mess hall, he can’t help the huge grin from appearing on his face. He gives himself a mental high-five and if he was actually the girl that he’s acting like, he’d be skipping to the bath house. The guys from N are already cleaning away when he steps through the door. He can see that the four guys are inside the toilet stalls, Chad is grimacing with his hands scrubbing at the urinals, Caleb is using Windex on the mirrors, and Marcus is smoking a joint, sitting on the sinks. Guess what’s left to clean? The god damn showers. Jared grabs a sponge, a scrub brush, and some cleaner, then heads to the shower stalls.

There are six stalls, five all in a row, with the one Jensen got off in last night on the far right. Eh, what the hell. Jared laughs at himself and heads into the stall on the right, opens the curtain and goes in. He starts on a wall, the one that he didn’t see Jensen leaning against at any point. After scrubbing the same spots for much too long, he forces himself to move on. He switches to the wall he’d first seen Jensen leaning against, and the night comes flooding back. He glances out into the room and can recognize the spot he’d been sitting in himself when he’d jerked off.

Luckily, there’s no trace of what Jensen had done on this wall, so he’s able to ignore the slight interest his dick has taken in this situation. But, when turns to the third wall, he can see the imprint of a hand on the wall, next to what must be a face imprint as well. They’re at Jared’s hip level. The image of Jensen bent over obscenely springs to Jared’s mind. When he’d moved to this position, and Jared could see his ass fully, the way his hole twitched and quivered before he slid his fingers over it.

Jared places his hand over the memory of Jensen’s on the wall. His fingers cover the print completely and then some. Heat simmers deep in his gut. He could crush Jensen’s hand in his. Jensen must like fingers inside of him, the way he’d started to touch his hole last night. Jared could go deeper inside of him than he’d ever been able to do himself. Jared’s hand would feel different, better, around Jensen’s cock. He could probably wrap his hand around much of Jensen’s throat. Jared hears clunking through the wall that’s shared with the next stall. He better get back to work.

Cleaning another stall helps Jared’s erection go away; there is hair fucking everywhere. Everyone finishes their cleaning about the same time, so when they’re done, they head back to the cabin with a while before first activity. There, they cool off with some lemonade that Marcus snatched from the kitchen. The thermometer outside says it’s ninety three. It’s ten forty five.

It’s time for first activity after a few minutes, as announced by Dan throughout the camp. While walking to the nature and environment station across camp, Jared sees Jensen come out of Cabin P. Jensen waves at Jared and runs over. He’s in a pair of navy blue swimming trunks and another one of those Willowtide polos, this one in white. 

“Hey, Jared.” Jensen smiles and squints in the sun, breathing hard from the running. “Have you, uh, made a decision yet? About the swimming thing?”

“Well I hadn’t really thought about it yet. I was busy clean jizz out of the bath house showers.” It’s a joke, and a lie for that matter, but it doesn’t stop Jensen from laughing in a way that Jared knows is forced. He’s uncomfortable and that’s just hilarious.

“Can you decide right now?” He asks after he’s done.

“Why?”

“Because I have my first shift right now and I’d really… like it if you’d…help me out.” Jensen stumbles over the latter half of the sentence, like he had to make up the reason he wanted Jared to come along.

“Well alright, I’ll do it.” The brightness of Jensen’s smile is ridiculous and beautiful. “But only because you need my help.”

“Awesome!” Jensen suddenly wraps Jared in a hug that feels warmer than the sun beating down on them. “And I would bet money to say that’s not the only reason.”

Jared just bites his tongue and decides to enjoy this moment for all it’s worth. Jensen’s back is hard and muscled beneath Jared’s hands. He smells like hot skin and shampoo and something else sharp and fake. “Are you fucking wearing cologne?” Jared laughs.

“No!” Jensen says without letting go, his arms getting tighter when he tenses up.

“Yeah, you are, too, liar! I can smell it! Who the hell are you trying to impress?” Jared laughs deeply and pulls his face back from Jensen’s shoulder to look at him. Jensen’s arms are still like a vise around his waist, though, so he can only move back so far. Their faces end up a breath apart.

Jensen looks past Jared then gives him that crooked smile again. Instead of answering the question, he asks, “do you like it?” His arms loosen around Jared hesitantly and then fall to his sides. Jared realizes his arms are still around Jensen’s shoulders, so he rushes to drop them before Jensen notices.

“Not really,” Jared says honestly with a shrug. He can imagine what Jensen would smell like without the cologne. It makes him smile.

“Oh…” Is that disappointment Jared can see in his eyes?

“Wait… I get it, Jen, I’m the –”

“Go get your swim stuff, Jared.” Jensen pushes Jared towards the woods and walks away in a hurry. Jared smiles, half wondering if he has imagined everything, and half hoping that even more will happen. 

******* 

The first group of campers Jared and Jensen watch together are the three cabins of eight and nine year olds, Cabins D, E, and F. Because they’re younger, Jensen decides it would be better if they actually life guarded. So they don’t swim, and not only that, but they stand on opposite sides of the docks surrounding the swimming area. Although this is really not how Jared imagined being co-swim directors with Jensen would be, it does give him the opportunity to stare as much as he wants from behind his sunglasses. He also decides to work on his tan, but hesitates at first. It’s not like he’s as skinny and weird as Matt in Cabin N anymore. He looks like a normal human being. It’s just, he never grew out of the self-consciousness that came along with it. After minutes of self debate, he gives up and strips out of his t shirt. The sun feels amazing even though it’s around one hundred and four degrees now.

Laughter bursts out of Jared when he sees Jensen across the way clap his hands slowly and shake his head in appreciation. Jared takes a bow and laughs even harder.

“Your turn!” Jared says in a half yell, not sure if he wants Jensen to hear him or not. Apparently he does, because before he knows it, Jensen is literally dancing around like a stripper and slowly removing his shirt. Jared’s jaw drops and then he laughs to himself. He’s always thought stripping was really stupid, but Jesus H Christ does this change his mind.

When Jensen is finished, he takes a few bows of his own and smiles like he’s extremely embarrassed. The kids get out of the water after another ten minutes and go to the swim building to dry off and get changed. Jensen walks over to Jared and just stands next to him, arms crossed and a genuine smile hinting at the corners of his mouth. He’s honestly stunning.

*******  
After lunch and Jared having an hour of boating, there’s another shift of swimming for Jared to work at. This time, it’s the twelve and thirteen year olds, Cabins J, K, and L.

“I think it’s okay if we just sit on the shore for this one. If you want,” Jensen suggests when Jared returns from boating.

“Yeah, sure.” Jared keeps his smile neutral, but really, his heart jumps.

They find a place by the water where they can lay down on their backs on a beach blanket that Jensen found in the swim closet. It’s not very wide, maybe only five feet, but Jared’s not complaining. His shoulder rests on Jensen’s once he musters up the courage to not lean away any longer. They both prop up on their elbows to watch the campers, but after a while, Jensen sighs and just lays back. Jared can feel Jensen looking at him and wonders if he wants Jared to know or not. A blush threatens at his skin under the scrutiny. He’s nothing to stare at.

“You’ve got the cu – best dimples, Jared.” Jensen breaks the comfortable silence. He was going to say “cutest” before he changed his mind, Jared knows for sure this time. Again, Jared wonders what made things take such a turn in the last twenty four hours to make Jensen so much more forward. He thinks back and realizes it all changed after he had called Jensen and Chad out during lunch. When Jensen couldn’t look at Jared and Chad looked really pleased. After minutes of nervous deliberation, Jared finally decides to ask.

“What were you and Chad saying about me at lunch yesterday?” He lets out in one fast breath.

“He um… He told me you… That you are into guys.” He sounds guilty and takes a while to answer.

“That fucker,” Jared says and stands quickly. Pacing away with his fists clenched, he can feel anger stir within him. He’s mad that Chad told someone because he swore he wouldn’t. He’s mad that Jensen knows, even though he wants him to know. He’s mad that it’s such a big deal.

“Wait, though.” Jensen stands as well and holds Jared’s shoulders to keep him in place. Tears sting in Jared’s downcast eyes because he’s so angry with Chad for ruining everything. “Stop thinking for a second and look at me.”

Jared takes a steadying breath and looks up. “What?”

“Why are you so pissed off? Aren’t you glad I know?” Jensen rubs his hands up and down Jared’s arms.

“I don’t fucking know! What’s even going on?” Jared’s tears don’t hold back any longer. He’s so frustrated and confused. He feels embarrassed that he’s crying in front of Jensen like this, being such a baby.

“What’s going on is… You’re gay. And I am, too, Jared. Didn’t you figure that out?” Jensen laughs, but not in a mean way. Jared shrugs.

“I hoped so.” He smiles a little and wipes off his face. “But even if you’re gay that doesn’t mean…”

“Doesn’t mean…” Jensen prods and takes a step closer so Jared can feel Jensen’s naked chest brush against his.

“That you’d like me.” Jared finishes in a whisper and looks into the captivating green of Jensen’s eyes.

“You’re right. It doesn’t mean that I would like you.” Jensen breathes and slides his hands from Jared’s arms to the sides of his neck. “But I do,” he whispers back.

Jared’s lips part on a surprised inhale and his mouth goes dry. This man, this specimen of human perfection, is admitting that he likes Jared of all people on Earth. He goes to ask “why?” but what comes out is, “Jen, are you going to kiss me?”

Jensen lets out a breath of a laugh. “No. Not right now.”

“Well you should learn some manners, then,” Jared says with a smile and walks back to the blanket. Jensen laughs and watches Jared lay down. When he comes back over and takes his place on the blanket, he leans down and plants a chaste kiss on Jared’s forehead.

“There,” he announces, “you happy?”

Jared squints up at Jensen. “Yeah.”

Another swim group arrives after this one, to Jared’s appreciation: another hour with Jen. Except he realizes as the kids approach that it’s A, B, and C, the youngest kids of all. There’s nothing to do about it, so he stands from the blanket to go stand at his post on the dock.

“Hey wait,” Jensen says. “We could swim with them, if you want to. It might even be safer that way.”

“Sure,” Jared says. They walk to the water and start to wade in. It’s chilly, but feels great, even in the now cooling late afternoon. The little campers squeal and laugh when they finally get in, many with floaties on their arms or noodles in their hands. Jared swims out farther into the water, where it’s too deep to touch, and takes a deep breath before going under. He loves the muted noise of being under the surface. Strange sloshes and the hum of his own mind.

He comes back up and just watches the kids and Jensen from there. It’s amazing how the world works.

*******

Dinner goes by and before long, it’s time for the campfire. Again, the entire camp is there for an hour after the just the younger kids, and then the older ones stay up. Jared is slightly, or maybe more than slightly, disappointed when Jensen sits with other people but he soon lets it go. Dan tells some folk tales that Jared’s heard every year since he was six and then he announces that a few people are going to perform a song.

Jared practically laughs out loud when he sees that it’s Superman Louis and Jensen that sit down in the chairs placed in front of everyone. They both have acoustic guitars in hand. Once they settle in and a moment passes in silence, Superman Louis counts off and they begin to strum slowly. It’s nothing fancy. In fact, it’s one of the most simple things Jared has ever listened to. Then Louis begins to sing:

“A restless heart standing on the border line.  
With hidden love you don’t even know about.  
It’s worth its weight in gold,  
In measurable amounts,  
But it will take a whole life to find out.

A wonderful way to spend a starry night.  
With miracles hidden by a dying light.  
Wake up with the world  
Swallowed by a sound  
You have to look to know what you have found.”

He has a beautiful voice, a subtle cute stuffiness to it that makes it unique and perfect for the song. The part Jensen sings is the melody to the chorus, where Louis sings a flawless harmony.

“I don’t mind lying on the ground.  
It’s where we started off,  
It’s where we all belong.  
If it’s not enough for you, there’s not enough for you.”

Jensen sings not as well as Louis, but that’s okay. He sounds good, and he sings with a slight southern accent that Jared finds fascinating. Jared likes the lyrics that Jensen sings. They remind him of when he and Jensen were lying on the shore. They remind him of how much value he finds in just laying in the grass or on the forest floor. They’re the truth.

The song ends and no one claps. Jared thinks everyone knows that it would ruin the perfection of what just happened. They just stand and go to put the guitars away and everyone breathes together. It’s strange and astonishing.

“Hey,” Jensen says and sits next to Jared after he makes Chris and Joseph scoot over. Jared smiles, knowing that Jen really had wanted to sit there.

“Hi, that was… beautiful. I didn’t know you were musical.”

“Well I wouldn’t say that. But thanks. There’s a lot of other things you don’t know about me.” Jensen turns to Jared and leans in like it’s a secret.

“That’s what I’m excited for,” Jared whispers his secret back.

“Not the only thing you’re excited for, right?” Jensen asks, putting his mouth next to Jared’s ear. The stubble on his jaw scrapes pleasantly on Jared’s smooth cheek.

“Definitely.” Jared’s voice shakes slightly. “What are you excited for, Jen?” He closes his eyes and focuses on the way he can hear Jensen’s pulse.

“I’m excited to hear all your stories. To see all your smiles. Feel all your skin. Taste all your sounds. I’m excited to learn all the things you love that you haven’t discovered yet. I’m excited to watch you try new things. To –” He swallows as his voice becomes shaky as well. “To – feel your hands and your tongue and your hips. To –”

“Jensen, stop.” Jared places a firm hand on his upper arm.

“Oh, shit,” Jensen curses and leans back to look at Jared. He looks so worried it’s scary. “I thought you’d…”

“It’s not that, Jensen. You can say anything like that. Please do. I’m just not really in the mood to come in my pants.” It’s funny, so Jared laughs and Jensen blushes, but a flash of something heavier burns in his eyes for half a moment. He shakes it off and laughs, too, resting his forehead on Jared’s shoulder.

“Yeah, sorry. I forgot that you’re still fifteen,” he says. They stop laughing and break apart, smiling slightly the rest of the night until it’s time to go back to the cabins.

They walk around the edges of the fields together, close enough that their shoulders touch. In the silence, Jared constantly wishes that Jensen will hold his hand. He doesn’t, but when they get to Cabin P, Jensen does pull him to the side instead of to the door. They’re beneath a silver maple that filters the moonlight much too romantically for Jared’s liking.

Jensen just stands there for a while, looking down at Jared in the patchwork glow of the moon. Jared’s heart gets louder and louder until he’s sure Jensen can hear it. He doesn’t know what to do. Jensen shifts closer and puts his hands on the sides of Jared’s neck like earlier today, the tips of his fingers lost in soft curls. Jared places his hands on Jensen’s sides; he can feel the narrowing of his waist. Jensen looks like he’s figuring a math problem or studying a painting. Maybe he’s doing both.

“Jen, are you going to kiss me now?” Jared whispers, just like he did at the lake, and notices that Jensen has leaned in so closely that he can feel the ghost of his lips.

Jensen just nods very slightly and then closes the distance between them. His mouth is so soft against Jared’s; he’s being gentle. Jared tightens his hands in the sides of Jensen’s shirt when he feels a hushed moan vibrate from Jensen’s mouth to his. He parts his lips and licks lightly at Jensen’s closed mouth. When he gets nothing in return, he nips tenderly at the flesh of Jensen’s bottom lip. At that, Jensen pulls away with a tiny smile but keeps his eyes closed. When he opens them, they have that heavy darkness in them from before, but it’s softened into something delicate.

“Why didn’t you let me in?” Jared asks almost to quietly to hear, looking down and feeling like he made a mistake.

“Hey,” Jensen says before he nuzzles his nose into Jared’s jaw to angle his head back up. “I just wanted to save it.”

“For when?”

“Next time,” he whispers against the soft skin of Jared’s neck. “I want to make everything last as long as possible.” He runs his warm, slightly open mouth up and down Jared’s neck, then to his temple where he places a kiss.

That is the single most platonic kiss Jared has ever received and yet somehow, it is the most sensual and thrilling thing he has ever felt.

“Goodnight, Jared,” Jensen whispers against his skin before leaving to go inside.

“Goodnight, Jen,” Jared says as he turns the corner.

He touches his temple where Jensen has kissed him and then his lips, which are still warm and taste like Jensen. He walks back to the cabin in a state of wonder and rapt but transparent happiness. It stays with him until he falls into a restful sleep, and even then.


	3. When The Sun Found The Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared's day starts off with numerous amazing surprises, but when tragedy strikes, his world seems to fall apart. With help from Jensen's affections and Dan's empathy, Jared's able to turn the ruins into a better place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments make me happy! Please tell me how much you like my story so I know I should keep writing!
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

When Jared wakes up to a blue jay screaming outside the window, the rest of the boys are still asleep. He wants to tell Chad about his kiss with Jensen, so he gets up and tip toes to the counselor’s quarters. He goes as quietly as he can, desperately trying not to wake anyone up. But when he gets to the room, he can hear Chad talking to someone on the phone, outside the cabin by the back door.

“… hasn’t told me yet. That’s surprising. But anyways, that’s awesome.” Jared stops and leans on the inside wall, directly opposite from Chad. He can hear talking on the other line, but can’t make out any words. The person talks and talks for a long time, Chad simply grunting in response or laughing occasionally.

“Sorry, man, but I can’t answer that. You’ll have to ask him.” Chad finally gives a reply after a minute, and immediately, the other person seems to ask a question. Chad answers after a big sigh.

“All I know is, Jensen…” Interesting. “He’s probably going to surprise you. You’ll think you know how he’ll react to something, or… what he’ll do when something happens. But you don’t. Jared’s sort of got this one… this one personality that he shows everybody. That’s the Jared you see when you meet him. But, like me, I’m his best friend, his brother pretty much. So I know he’s got more to him than that. He doesn’t show his whole self to everyone, you know?” There’s silence on the other line and then a quiet reply that sounds like a question again.

“Yeah, I think he will. If you hold onto him. Alright I should probably go wake everybody up. Want me to tell Jared anything, love bird?” Chad chuckles at his own joke. When Jensen says something, he laughs even harder.

“No! Oh Jesus, I can promise you those words will never come out of my mouth, you pervert. Good-fucking-bye,” Chad says and hangs up. When he comes through the screen door and sees Jared standing right there, he yelps and nearly runs back out.

“How was your talk?” Jared asks casually.

“Jesus Christ, Jare! I almost shit my pants,” Chad says and then calms down. “I guess you know how it was. Since you apparently LISTENED to it.”

“Sorry, I was just coming in here to talk to you. About Jen actually, and I heard you on the phone, so –”

“He lets you call him Jen?” Chad cuts him off, sounding slightly offended.

“Uh, yeah? Who cares?” Jared asks but he’s the one who cares now, that’s who. Apparently the “Jen” thing has significance.

“It’s just, if any of the guys call him that, he gets real pissy and feels the need to express his manliness for the next hour. Like he hates that it’s a girl’s nickname.”

“But he lets me call him that…” Jared mumbles to himself. Jensen must find it okay that Jared sees him as a bit feminine. A rush of heat consumes Jared at the thought. Jensen saying fuck me in the shower. Jensen straight up doing a strip tease for Jared at the lake. His attempt to impress Jared with the cologne. Holy hell. Jared wonders what else he would do if asked. Or told.

“Anyways. Congrats on the kissing and the mutual gayness.” Chad smiles.

“Well,” Jared starts. He’s got to get the shower thing off his chest. “That’s not all that happened.”

“Oh, no, Jare. What’d you do?” Chad looks like he’s bracing himself for impact.

“The other night when I forgot my bag in the bath house? Well, he was in there showering and the curtain was open, and he was fucking jer –”

“OKAY!” Chad yells. “Say no more. As long as you didn’t stay and be a total weirdo.” Jared’s eyes grow wide and he smiles innocently.

“I couldn’t help it?”

Chad rolls his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. “I get it. Just please, for the love of god, don’t tell me anything else. And go away, I’m afraid your gay will rub off on me.” Jared laughs and walks back into the main room, where the twins and Matt are already awake. They are talking in hushed voices and when they see Jared, they shut up. Matt comes over and lays a hand on Jared’s shoulder.

“Hey, me and the twins just wanted to let you know that it’s okay with us. We heard what you and Chad were saying. You’re an awesome guy, and we don’t care who you like.” Jared swallows and relief replaces the dread he’d felt when he realized they’d been awake.

“Yeah. Me too, man.” Jack rumbles from his bed. He sits up and nods. “You’re the first gay I’ve ever been friends with. And I think you’re pretty rad.”

“Well that’s good to hear,” Jared says and then the announcement for breakfast blares. Looks like it’s going to be a good day.

*******

 

At breakfast, N is one of the first cabins to sit down. The smell of scrambled eggs and toast washes through the mess hall. The guys are talking about the upcoming school year. Jared learns that the twins are fourteen and the other two are fifteen, and going to be sophomores, like Jared. He wonders if Jensen is going to college, and what year he’s in if that’s the case. Right on cue, Jared feels heat behind him and hands slide from his shoulders down his front until he’s wrapped in a hug. He can tell it’s Jensen by the way he rests his head on Jared’s shoulder.

“Good morning,” Jensen says in a sleep roughened voice. Jared decides he wants to hear it every morning from now on.

“Morning, Jenny.” Jared takes a chance by making the nickname even more feminine. Jensen pulls in a sharp breath, and Jared’s sure he has fucked up. He knows Jensen’s going to pull away and freak out. That is, until he feels Jensen tighten his arm around his chest and slide his lips to Jared’s ear. Jared waits for him to say something charismatic or sexy, but what he does is even better. The parting of his lips makes a quiet noise, and then Jared can feel his lips and, oh god, his tongue touch his ear lobe. An open, satisfied breath leaves Jensen’s mouth before he bites down gently. Jared tries and fails to hold in the whine that forms in his throat. Jensen lets go and slowly stands up, but before he walks away, Jared looks back at him and sees an expression of want and weakness in his eyes. Then he leaves, walking carefully to the counselor’s table.

Jared turns back, and all the guys are staring at him. Jack smiles at him with a proud older brother grin, the twins are blushing furiously and holding in laughter, and Matt is nodding slightly with a little smile.

“What the fuck are you all staring at?” Jared laughs and covers his face with his hands. The smile he’s wearing hurts his cheeks.

Breakfast finishes and it’s time for chores once again. The activity directors clean up their areas and organize their supplies during chore time, so Jared finds Jensen in the crowd when everyone gets dismissed. Jensen looks pissed when he sees Jared. He walks over with purpose, grabs Jared’s arm at the elbow, and yanks him out of the mess hall and towards the pool shed.

“Jen? Jen! Hey, what the fuck? JEN!” Jared twists his arm in Jensen’s grip but can’t get out. They get behind the shed and Jensen leans back against it, then immediately grabs Jared’s other arm as well and pulls him in tight. He crushes their mouths together and forces his tongue into Jared’s mouth, who groans in surprise and grabs helplessly at Jensen’s chest. When Jared’s mouth feels thoroughly abused, Jensen pulls away.

“Fuck, Jared. So fucking hot, saying that in there.” He lets go of Jared’s left arm and reaches down between them to palm himself. Jared just stares in disbelief. “Made me so hard to hear you say that. Jared, let me…” He can’t seem to get the words out fast enough, his breath racing in and out loudly. He twists his arm around so he can grab at Jared’s dick through his shorts. “Fuck, you’re huge. Oh shit, Jared, Jared let me suck you off.”

“Jesus fuck!” Jared practically yells. Jensen leans into Jared’s neck, biting and kissing at the soft skin. He slides his mouth up to Jared’s ear and bites at it, harder than he’d done earlier. Jared’s cock twitches in Jensen’s hand. He won’t be able to last… “I won’t last, Jenny, I’m about to fucking come.”

“Mmmm.” Jensen whines against his ear and shoves the heel of his hand against Jared’s leaking cock. “Please, I’ll make it so good,” he begs, even as he undoes the button and zipper on Jared’s shorts. “Spread your legs,” he says, and Jared can’t stop himself from obeying. Jensen falls gracefully between them, licking his swollen red lips. Jared just braces his forearms against the shed and watches at Jensen instantly pulls out his cock and rubs the head over his mouth.

“God damn it, Jenny.” Jensen whines again at the name. “I’m not going to last…” Jensen opens his mouth and slides his tongue and lips up and down Jared’s length before swallowing him down, only able to take three quarters. Jared can feel him gag, and that’s so fucking hot. “SHIT.”

“Jared, I want…” Jensen breathes after he pulls off. His hands flex against Jared’s hips and he looks up with huge lust blown eyes and a ruined mouth. “Fuck my throat.” Jared closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

“I don’t know – I’ve never done that to anyone.” Jensen rolls his eyes at this, puts his head against the wall, and forces Jared’s hips forward, his dick sliding into Jen’s open mouth. Jared can feel him relax his throat but tighten his lips. Oh, fuck. Jared sees the trust in Jensen’s eyes and decides he wants to do this. He really fucking does.

He reaches down and puts his hand on the back of Jensen’s neck before pressing forward. The head of his dick breaches the tightness of Jensen’s throat and that’s fucking it. Jared lets go and allows himself to pump in and out of Jensen’s mouth. Jensen’s eyes close and he lets go of Jared’s hips with one hand to grab roughly at his own cock. Jared tightens his hand on Jensen’s nape and fucks harder into that impossibly wet, hot mouth. He’s on the edge of his orgasm, holding onto sanity with the tiny part of his brain that hasn’t gone completely animalistic. He watches as Jensen grabs himself harder and then tenses up, spasming with what must be an orgasm.

“Oh, Jen, fucking coming on my cock… Oh fuck, fuck. Jen.” Jared mumbles before he groans deeply as an orgasm wrecks him. He claws at the shed and Jensen’s neck as his dick pulses. He sees that Jen has taken his cock out of his mouth and is now letting him come all over his face. This just forces a few more seconds of intense orgasm through him.

Jensen licks lightly at Jared’s softening dick as he comes down, white streaks stark against his flushed face. Jared breathes deeply and runs his hand through Jensen’s hair. Jen leans into the touch and swipes his tongue out to catch a bit of Jared’s come. Jared straightens and tucks himself back in before grabbing Jensen’s shoulders to help him up. He stands, smiles, and reaches into his pocket for a wad of mess hall napkins. Jared watches as he wipes the come off his pretty face. When he’s done, Jared leans in and, for the first time, initiates their kiss. Jensen tastes spicy and of something else. Jared’s come.

“Shit, Jensen,” Jared says against his lips between kisses, “that was so hot. You’re so beautiful, and shit, you came in your fucking pants, just from… Fuck.” Jensen laughs softly and runs his lips against Jared’s. He’s blushing now, from what Jared had said.

“Thanks… I liked it, too. Especially when you grabbed my neck and…” His blush worsens as he remembers. Jared just kisses him and smiles.

“C’mon, baby. Let’s go get some chores done before people start to wonder.” When he says “baby,” Jensen’s bites his lip. Add that to the list of names. “Not that they won’t anyways,” Jared adds. “Your pretty lips are so swollen.”

Jensen smiles and shakes his head. “I’m warning you…”

“Alright, alright,” Jared says, “Jenny.”

Jensen punches him as hard as he can at the moment, which is impressive based on how weak his knees are.

*******

The rest of the day goes by in a rush of blistering sunlight, stolen kisses when no one is watching, and the cool, invigorating touch of lake water. As Jared walks back to N alone after dinner, he smiles to himself and closes his eyes. He’d been so anxious about camp this year when he and Chad had driven down. He was afraid that he’d be tempted by all the guys he’d be around, and it would be complete misery. Now, not even a single week into the summer, he’s already found someone who makes him feel wanted and special and… normal. And it’s freaking Jensen Ackles, who could certainly seduce any piece of ass he wanted. But he chose Jared.

As he simmers in this feeling, he makes it to N and sees that all the guys are outside, talking with Dan, who looks angry. Jared approaches and everyone turns to look at him.

“What the hell is going on?” He asks, confused and worried, but he doesn’t know why.

“Don’t go in there, man,” Jack warns when he pushes through the crowd. Jared shakes him off and runs up the steps and swings the door open. He stops dead when he sees what’s inside.

The sheets on his bed are shredded and covered in red paint, looking like someone was murdered in their sleep. The window by his bed has been smashed in, the glass shards scattered all over his belongings. There is a pile of burnt clothes, Jared’s, he’s sure, on the bed and his pillows have been destroyed, so there are feathers everywhere, like snow. What’s worse is what’s written on the walls. DIE FAG is painted in huge black letters across the wood, and all around it are other phrases like COCK SUCKER and QUEER and TWINK and BEND OVER and GO TO HELL, SOD WHORE.

Jared shakes with fear and anger, knowing that whoever did this wants him to die. He’s disgusted with himself because of his sexuality and because he knows everything they wrote is true. He knows that gays die of hate crimes every day. And maybe he will go to hell. Jared’s stomach lurches and he runs to the broken window to puke outside. Sobs force their way out of his chest, and it sounds more like he’s screaming. The broken glass his slicing and cutting his hands on the sill, but it feels good. He wants to fight the guys who did this and get the shit beat out of him. He wants Jensen to hold him and tell him he’s fine, but he knows he’s not. This is not fine. This is not okay.

“Jared,” Dan says from the doorway. He walks over slowly and goes to place a hand on Jared’s shoulder. Jared turns quickly and hits Dan’s hand away.

“DON’T TOUCH ME!” He screams and he can feel sticky tears drying on his chin, dripping down onto his neck.

“I’m sorry, Jared. I’m sorry! Just listen, though. Listen to me. We are going to do something about this, don’t worry –”

Jared laughs incredulously. “Don’t worry? Don’t fucking worry?! These people want me DEAD! THEY WOULD HAVE BEAT ME TO DEATH IF THEY’D FOUND ME ALONE!”

“Jared. We’re going to find who did this and get them kicked out, and arrested for something if possible. I know that’s not going to help you, but we’re going to do everything we can.”

Jared nods and tries to calm down, his pulse racing. Then he sees the picture hanging on the wall and time slows down to a crawl. He leans over and pulls it down, nearly ripping it in half unintentionally. It’s the picture of Jensen that he’d drawn in arts and crafts. Except they’ve drawn exes over his eyes and they’d pinned it to the wall with a jackknife stuck right in the middle of Jensen’s forehead. Where’d they get this? Jensen had kept it, it must have been in Cabin P…

“Wait,” Jared says to Dan, “I think they got – ”

“DAN!” It’s Tyler, yelling from outside. He falls through the doorway and stumbles over. “There’s more. They attacked Jensen, too.”

Everyone starts towards Cabin P, Dan leading with Jared close behind. When they get there, Jensen is sitting on the floor, unmoving, just breathing in an even pattern. Jared runs to him and kneels beside him. He sees that they’d done to Jensen what they did to Jared with the drawing. But this time it’s a photograph of Jared and his mother. The attackers had exed out not only Jared’s eyes, but his mother’s, too. They’d scratched out their mouths and drawn red lines over their throats. Jared takes the wrecked photo slowly from Jensen’s hands and sets it on the floor. He looks at Jensen and moves to sit down. Jensen is just staring at the wall, which is covered in awful words like Jared’s was, some of them even worse.

“Jen,” Jared whispers and takes Jensen’s face between his hands. He doesn’t flinch like Jared expected him to. “Jen. It’s okay.”

Jensen turns to Jared and shakes his head. “It’s not, Jared. What are we supposed to do?”

“I don’t know, baby.” Jared pulls Jensen’s face close to his and presses a gentle kiss to his lips. “But do I know that I’m not going to let it get in the way.”

Jensen leans in for another kiss and then slides his forehead down onto Jared’s shoulder. “Me neither.” He just breathes in and out and Jared lets him. Sometimes doing nothing means more than trying everything.

*******

By sunset, the police have arrived, and out of fear, two boys from Cabin O and one from M have admitted to committing the crimes. They are arrested for vandalism and malicious destruction of property in the form of a hate crime. Jared and Jensen are questioned, but not for long because it’s clear they did nothing to provoke the boys. The police ask them if they still feel unsafe, and both say that they don’t. They know that Dan is going to take care of everything.

After the police drive away, Dan calls an emergency meeting. Everyone collects in the mess hall, dispersed among each other. No age groups, no cabin labels, just one unit. Many of the little kids are confused, while others are crying. The older kids all seem appalled that their friends, or siblings in some cases, could have done this. Some are angry, others extremely upset, and some feel sorry for Jared and Jensen.

“Hey, Jared,” Louis from O says and sits down. “I knew those guys. The ones that… And I just want to tell you that I had nothing to do with it.” He stands back up when he spots Jensen coming over. “I hope you never have to go through anything like that again, man.” Louis leaves with a sympathetic smile and says something to Jensen as well when they pass each other. Jensen gives him a hug and Louis looks a little uncomfortable, but appreciative all the same.

“How are you holding up?” Jensen asks when he sits and places his hand on Jared’s thigh. His hand is warm and more comforting than all the words of the people that approached him combined. Jared touches the back of Jensen’s hand and then slips it underneath, lacing their fingers together. Dan steps to the front of the hall, and the room goes silent. For a long time, Dan just looks at everyone with a thoughtful, grave look on his face.

“We suffered a tragedy today. It’s true that no lives were lost, but lives were threatened. And maybe for some, that’s worse. To know that there are people in the world who wish you weren’t alive can be worse than being dead. I know that we found the campers who committed the crimes, but I am not relieved. The simple fact that someone in my camp could be so completely inconsiderate, so uncaring, so vile… is disheartening. All I can hope is that we can work together to make sure that nothing like this ever happens again. Every human being deserves love, deserves respect. Even the boys who were taken away in those police cars. They may have made an extremely bad decision and caused some serious harm, but I believe that they will learn from their mistakes. I believe they can earn back my respect eventually. So, I want to tell everyone that I’m sorry this happened. Especially Jared and Jensen. If you boys need anything. Just come to me. I’m so sorry.” Dan chokes up a bit and leaves the room. After a while, the room goes back to normal, and then the counselors mutually decide that it’s time for bed.

“Where are we supposed to sleep? There’s no way I’m going back there.” Jensen squeezes Jared’s hand and looks tired. So tired.

“I have something that can help,” Jared says and pulls the guest cabin key from his pocket. He’d never stopped carrying it around.

“What is that?” Jensen asks, clearly confused.

“It’s the key to the guest cabin. I found it under my bed the day I moved in. I know I should have turned in, I just thought it may come in handy. That sounds even more terrible when I say it out loud…” Jared smiles. Jensen takes the key and lets go of Jared’s hand after pressing it to his lips.

“You’re amazing, Jared,” he says and leans in for a delectable kiss. “I’ll go tell Dan that a kid just turned this in. He’ll put the pieces together.” Jared watches as he leaves, still so thankful and astonished that he has Jensen. Remembering the events of the day, it’s almost amazing how it went from completely marvelous to so utterly horrific. And yet, now that it’s over, Jared feels… at ease. Yes, he’d been threatened and attacked, but having someone else who went through the same thing, and having that same person caring for him? It’s comfortable. It makes him know that things will get better. Jensen comes back within several minutes, the first real smile since the attacks on his face.

“He says we can stay there,” Jensen says and pulls Jared up into a hug.

“How the hell did you manage that? Letting a counselor and a camper, who everyone knows are gay together, stay in a one room, private cabin? He can’t be so ignorant…”

“He knows. I even told him straight up. I just think he knows the right thing to do when he sees it. And this is one of those times.” Jensen holds Jared tighter and then they leave the mess hall, this time hand in hand, and start towards the guest cabin. It’s deep in the woods, so the walk is long, but neither of them mind too much. On the way, Jensen tells Jared that Dan is going to drive them into town tomorrow and buy them replacements for all the things that got destroyed. Jared asks why he would do that, and then learns that not only does Jensen know Dan really well, like Chad had said, but he was Jensen’s father’s best friend. And also, Jensen’s father recently had a stroke, and Dan has been taking care of Jensen and his dad for a few months.

They get to the cabin and go inside, surprised to find that it is wired with electricity. They sit and talk for what feels like hours before Jensen gets too tired to stay awake for another second. They stand to get ready for bed, when they remember that they don’t have any belongings. Abruptly, it occurs to Jared that there’s one bed in the cabin. His throat goes dry and he smiles nervously.

“Are we going to sleep… in the same bed?” Jared asks quietly, staring expectantly at Jen.

“I would think so. Jared, I know what you’re thinking. It seems a little early in our… our relationship to share a bed, but maybe it’s not, you know? Maybe we need this. Especially after today.” Jensen makes sense, and says exactly what Jared wanted to.

“Yeah. Alright.” Jared smiles and pulls of his t shirt, still nervous, and then even more so when he sees Jensen start to undress as well. His Willowtide polo falls to the floor and he looks at Jared when he starts to undo his shorts. Jared swallows and moves to take off his own, fingers fumbling with the button. They just stare at each other, standing on opposite sides of the room, until they’re both in just their underwear. Jensen’s wearing grey boxer briefs, which Jared knows are ten times sexier than his own stupid plaid boxers. Tension is palpable in the humid air, disturbed when Jensen closes the distance between them and slides a hand into the back of Jared’s hair. Their kisses are desperate and hard, but they both know nothing will happen tonight. Not after what they went through.

They break away and Jared turns off the light, leaving the cabin dark. They pull back the blankets on the bed and settle between the fresh sheets. They face each other and Jared can see Jensen in the dim light. He’s smiling and when he rolls over onto his back, tucking Jared into his side, Jared’s smiling, too. Jensen’s chest is safe and hot beneath his cheek. He smells like skin and lake water and something that’s just Jensen. Jared kisses his chest and feels Jensen rub soft fingertips back and forth over his back.

For an exciting, full, stressful day, the boys have an extraordinarily wonderful night. Just sleeping. Just being alone. Together.


	4. For Your Time, I'll Give You This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared and Jensen have a quite wonderful morning before going into town to replace their ruined belongings. One of the shops they enter causes Jared to leave it as a different man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Dom/Sub relationship discovered. Don't read if you don't want to hear about that!
> 
> Comment your butts off so I know if you like this!

Jared wakes from a terrifying dream, of blood and pain and fire, in the morning, but it’s forgotten immediately when he feels Jensen’s body against his. They must have switched roles in the night, because now Jensen is the one snuggling into Jared’s chest. His lips are parted against Jared’s collarbone, his breath coming in slow inhales and exhales. Jared’s on his back with Jensen’s torso blanketing his side, their legs twisted around in one another’s and the sheets. They’d opened the windows in the cabin last night, so a warm, soothing breeze is flowing throughout, smelling like trees and soil. Jensen stirs, his body shifting against Jared’s and he realizes that Jensen’s hip his pressing deliciously against his morning wood, and it feels especially nice when he moves like that.

“Hey Jenny,” Jared whispers and traces his lips back and forth over Jensen’s forehead.

“Mmm?” Jensen mumbles before kissing up Jared’s neck. “Good morning, sexy.” Jensen laughs the words when he reaches Jared’s ear. He slides his fingertips down Jared’s chest and then into the waistband of his boxers. “You were hoping I wouldn’t notice…”

“Yeah a little bit.” Jared sighs, kissing the side of Jensen’s face. He can feel Jensen’s warm hand move down to trace patterns on the lowest part of his belly, teasing. His breath hitches when he feels Jensen lightly rasp his fingernails over that sensitive skin.

“What do you want?” Jensen asks into the side of his neck. Jared licks his dry lips and slides a hand down beneath the covers to join Jensen’s. He grabs Jensen’s wrist and leads it down until he’s got a hold of Jared’s cock, now nearly rock hard. Jared takes his hand back out and puts it on Jensen’s flat belly, which tightens at the contact. With a nervous deep breath, he slips his hand into Jensen’s underwear, relieved to find him hard as well.

“I want this,” Jared answers, and gives Jensen’s length a gentle squeeze. This is the absolute first time he’s touched another guy, so he’s got tightness in his chest from how timid he feels. Jensen shifts, which makes it easier to move his hand between their bodies. Jensen closes his eyes and bites his bottom lip, focused and extremely horny. Jared groans when Jensen twists his wrist just right, making him jerk his hips up into Jen’s grip. Jensen’s hips twitch as well, at the sound of Jared’s moaning. His breath comes in faster bursts and sweat starts to slide down his face, dripping onto the plane of Jared’s stomach. Jared can see down underneath the blankets if he turns his head, so he does. His cock jumps in Jensen’s hand when he watches them touch each other. Jensen smiles when he feels Jared’s interest and looks up at his face.

“You like watching this, Jared?” He asks in a fucked out voice and moves so he’s on his knees, one on each side of Jared’s leg. He leans down so he’s propped up on his forearm next to Jared’s shoulder. He kisses restlessly at the skin there. Jared can see even more now. The increasingly quick strokes of Jensen’s hand, his own fist stretching the fabric of Jensen’s boxer briefs.

“Fuck, yeah I do.” Jared didn’t realize he was approaching incoherency before he tried to talk. He watches his hand move inside Jen’s underwear and wants them off. Right now. “Take them off, Jenny. Fuck, I want to see you.”

“Shit, I love it when you call me that…” Jensen growls against Jared’s sweaty skin. He takes his hand out of Jared’s boxers and pushes himself up so he’s kneeling above Jared. With one of those fucking crooked smiles, he hooks his thumbs in the sides of his boxer briefs and then slowly pushes them down. He leans back over Jared for a kiss as he takes them off with the hand not buried in Jared’s hair. Jared’s breathing has sped up, his hands not knowing where to touch Jensen. His naked body is a work of art, strong shoulders, narrow waist, hip bones that lead invitingly to his now leaking cock.

“Holy shit. Holy shit, you’re so beautiful, Jen.” Jared rambles and slides a hand back around Jensen’s length. Jensen bites at Jared’s lips and then reaches down to tug at his boxers impatiently.

“You, too, Jared. Want you naked, too.” Jensen scrapes his teeth against the sharp edge of Jared’s jaw. Before letting Jared agree or even move to comply, Jensen’s doing it himself. He rushes to pull roughly at the fabric of Jared’s boxers, finally getting them down to his knees so Jared can kick them off the side of the bed. “Holy fuck, Jared. Oh god, you’re perfect. Fuck.”

Jared blushes at the compliment and then he chokes on a groan when Jensen aligns their bodies together. He can feel all of Jensen’s hot, damp skin sticking and sliding against his. Jensen whines and buries his face into Jared’s shoulder as he starts to roll his hips slowly. Their cocks press together, precome making the slide wet and fucking incredible. Jared grabs onto Jensen as a piercing wave of heaven rushes through him; this is better than anything else Jared’s felt before in his life. Jensen’s hands are tightly wound in his hair, their chests clinging together with sweat, their hips stuttering irregularly. They’re both approaching the edge already, just from this, just from the feel of their bodies condensing into one writhing, moaning creature.

“Fuck, Jared, oh my god… I’m getting close, but, I n-need, I need you to…” Jensen whines and bites mindlessly at Jared’s neck. His legs spread a tiny bit and Jared nearly loses it right then, knowing what Jensen needs after a single moment.

“Ahnnn. Jenny, oh shit, yes. Oh god.” Jared scrapes his fingernails across Jensen’s back and gives a sharp thrust of his hips. Jen’s bruised mouth opens on a low, senseless cry and Jared hesitantly slides two fingers inside. Jensen looks straight into Jared’s eyes and sucks almost painfully on Jared’s fingers, tongue expertly wetting them. He moans around the fullness in his mouth, his hips rocking harder into Jared’s. He lets Jared’s fingers slip out from between his lips and then leans down so he can place that wet mouth right next to Jared’s ear. He spreads his legs farther apart, pushing a moan out of Jared.

“Do it, Jared,” he says in a hoarse whisper. He nips at the skin of Jared’s jaw. “I want to feel you inside me.” Jared tightens an arm around Jensen’s waist, bracing him to his body. He can feel Jensen struggle slightly, so he smiles and just holds him with more strength. Jensen whines in pleasure at his own vulnerability, going still and breathing rapidly, open mouthed.

Jared slides his wet fingers down Jensen’s side, over his hip and onto the backs of his thighs. He looks over Jensen’s shoulder so he can watch as he slides his fingers up towards Jensen’s ass. Jen wriggles a little and sighs, letting his legs relax. Jared bites his lip and finally moves his hand far enough up, and he can feel the tight clench of Jensen’s hole under his fingertips. He just rubs at it for a while, spreading Jensen’s spit aimlessly. Jensen whines and starts thrusting against Jared again, who groans and feels the slide of Jensen’s steadily leaking cock against his own.

“Jared, Jared, c’mon. Fuck me, god, fuck me.” Jensen cries out and Jared can feel his hole asking to be filled. Jared fucks up into the heat of Jensen’s body and pushes one of his fingers inside. It’s so hot and tight, squeezing relentlessly. He slides it in and out almost violently, his mind lost in a cloud of consuming arousal. “More, Jared, give me another, oh fuck,” Jared can hear Jensen say and he slips another finger in beside the first. Jensen gasps and then goes silent, his hips stalling. “Oh, Jared,” he grits out and Jared can feel his dick throb, releasing come between their locked bodies.

“Jesus, fuck,” Jared groans into Jensen’s hair and comes to the tightening of Jen’s ass around his fingers and the messy slide of his cock through Jensen’s release. Jared’s orgasm lasts for what seems like an eternity, his body twitching on the bed, his arm crushing Jensen to his chest. Jensen keeps whimpering lightly as he watches Jared’s face contort into an expression of complete bliss. Jared calms down after a few prolonged moments, until he regains the ability to think.

“I’m pretty sure,” Jensen starts, but has to clear his throat, “that your orgasm face is the most best thing I’ve ever seen.”

“The most best?” Jared laughs and kisses Jensen softly.

“Yeah,” Jensen replies with a stupid, glowing grin and settles his face on Jared’s chest. Jared wipes their bodies clean with his boxers from the floor and then closes his eyes, his hands on the narrow of Jensen’s waist.

“That was…” Jared can’t even think of a word that describes it. “Wonderful,” he finishes, knowing that doesn’t even begin to cut it.

Jensen kisses his chest multiple times in tiny little pecks that tickle a bit. “Me, too, Jared.” It doesn’t exactly make sense, but Jared knows what he means. He knows that Jensen’s just as happy as he is. That this is real.

Their post-orgasmic moment is brutally interrupted by loud knocking on cabin door, which is, thankfully, locked.

“You boys ready to go into town?” It’s Dan, yelling from outside the screen door. He puts his hands around his eyes to peer inside. Jared scrambles to pull the sheets over their very, very naked bodies. “Oh, Jesus. I’ll give you half an hour.” He almost breaks the screen with the amount of force he pushes himself away with.

“Sorry!” Jensen yells, but Jared can tell he’s really not. They share a notably satisfying kiss before they’re forced to separate and get ready.

*******

Putting on their clothes from yesterday after their showers, their SEPARATE showers as Jared had insisted (there were other people in there, no way), is a little gross. Jared considers his boxers, covered with dried come from when they’d cleaned up, and decides not to wear them. He’s never gone commando before, and it’s strange and slightly electrifying, knowing that he’s got nothing on under his shorts. He’ll buy some underwear first thing.

“Ready to go shopping, babe?” Jared teases, and smacks Jensen on the ass as they walk to the parking lot. Jensen just laughs and grabs Jared’s hand from where it’s still warm on his behind. They hold hands until they can see Dan’s truck, then they let go. No need to embarrass him further.

Jensen sits in the passenger’s seat and Jared is forced to sit in the back, his legs basically on his chest in the cramped space. They ride for about an hour, and every once in a while, Jensen looks back and either laughs at Jared’s struggles or gives him a wink. They get into the nearest city, Portersville, which is a medium size. It doesn’t have a mall, but has countless boutiques and other shops. Dan parks in a spot and turns around so he can see both the boys.

“Here’s seven hundred dollars for the both of you. Don’t say anything, it’s not too much. I wouldn’t give you more than I could afford. I’ll pick you up around four thirty. Have fun.” He turns back to the steering wheel and shifts into drive, Jared and Jensen just staring at him in awe. “Get out!” Dan laughs and pushes Jensen out the door. He pulls away and they stand there on the sidewalk.

“Well,” Jensen says and kisses Jared’s cheek, “let’s get this show on the road.”

They start in a normal little men’s clothing store which, much to Jared’s delight, has a nice selection of underwear. He looks back at Jensen, who seems pretty enthralled by a display of v-necks. Good. Jared turns to the rack of underwear packages and sighs. He felt really stupid wearing boxers when Jensen had on those tight little boxer briefs last night… But then again, there’s so many freaking things to choose from he’d better just play it safe. Sighing again, he reaches for a pack of green and blue plaid boxers.

“What about these?” Jensen asks from the other side of the rack. How the hell did he get over there when he was…

“Nooo way.” Jared laughs when he sees what Jensen’s holding out to him. They’re red, first of all. And they’re tight and super low-rise, with fucking laces up the front. Just a few inches of a slit from the waist band, secured with a string weaved through “reinforced grommets.” He’s sure Jen’s joking. However, the look on his face when Jared glances up says he’s dead serious. “Are you for real…?”

“Yeah. But if you don’t want to get ‘em, it’s your loss… I think they’re sexy as fuck.” Jensen goes to put them back, but Jared snatches the pack out of his hand.

“Fine. But only because you like them, I’d never –”

“Wait,” Jensen takes them back. He grabs a different package and crowds into Jared’s space. “Those were smalls. And that certainly,” he grins, “doesn’t describe you.” Jared swallows and grabs the new pack, licking his lips. Jen walks back over to the v-neck display with a sly smile on his face, and Jared’s not sure if he’s swinging his god damn hips like that intentionally or not.

Jared collects a bunch of other normal things like socks and white t-shirts, and then finds Jensen checking out already. He decides that he’s done well for this store, so he gets in line. They finish up and walk back out onto the street. They walk past a few stores and then Jensen stops suddenly, staring strangely at a shop across the way. Jared follows his gaze. Oh.

The place is called “Permission” and looks really classy with black awnings over the windows and a dark green façade. But then Jared sees the tiny letters under the cursive name on the sign.

Partner Pleasure Emporium. Shit.

“Can we please?” Jensen begs; must be he sees the hesitation on Jared’s face.

“Jensen, I don’t think that's what Dan wanted us to spend our money on.” Jared looks him straight on. He’s really tempted to give in, especially with the way Jensen’s lips are pouting like that.

“Well, we don’t have to. I’ve still got my wallet, it wasn’t in the cabin when the kids ruined my stuff,” Jensen says and places his hand on Jared’s chest. He can’t resist now.

“Alright.” Jared smiles and bites his lip. This is going to be interesting.

The store is just as classy inside as it is outside. It’s well lit, there’s elegant wallpaper on the walls, and the shelves are made of gorgeously shining wood; there’s no merchandise visible from the door. Extremely classy. There are three doors at the back of the main room. They are labeled “For The Submissive,” “For the Dominant,” and “For Them,” in curly white letters on black and green signs. What the hell store is this? A clerk comes up to the boys and smiles. Her brown hair is pulled back, and she has on dress pants and a dark green button-down.

“Can I help you two with anything?” She sees their bags from the other store and takes them. “I’ll put these behind the desk so you can have your hands free.”

“Thanks, Kim,” Jared says, glancing at her shiny plastic nametag.

“I know what I’m looking for,” Jensen announces and squeezes Jared’s hip before kissing him on the corner of the mouth and walking directly to the “For The Submissive” door. Jared’s head goes fuzzy for a moment as his blood rushes south.

“Uhm,” Jared says dumbly to Kim. She smiles and brings their bags behind the checkout desk, placing them carefully underneath. When she returns, Jared has become even more nervous and he feels really uncomfortable. What the hell is he going to do in here?

“There’s no need to feel apprehensive, Mr…” Kim smiles after handing him a little black mesh basket.

“Jared.”

“Well, Jared, how about we just start off with some basic supplies, here in the conventional room? Are you and your Sub in need of any condoms or lubricants?” His sub? Oh shit. Oh shit.

Jared starts to shake his head, but he realizes that if Jensen’s in that room buying toys or god knows what else, he’s going to prepare, too. “Yeah, we are.”

“Well, follow me, then.” She smiles and leads him to one of the shelves, which is very organized, stocked with a huge variety of condoms, male and female, and what seems like hundreds of lubes and lotions. Jared tries to look at all of them, but gets overwhelmed because there’s so much to see and so little blood in his brain. Kim can tell, obviously.

“Let me help.” She smiles and makes Jared turn towards her. “What does your Sub like?”

“I don’t even know, we haven’t actually…” Jared runs a hand through his hair.

“Well that’s helpful, actually. We won’t choose anything that’s too advanced, or only appeals to some people.” She grabs a box of ultra-thin condoms, and another box, these ones “lightly ribbed,” and throws them into his basket. She then scans the lubes with a finger pressed thoughtfully to her lips. Apparently, she decides on one called “Ride” that is water based. It has a little cowboy riding a bucking horse on the label, which Jared thinks is hilarious.

“Okay, thanks,” Jared says and turns to a still-smiling Kim.

“Are you ready to check out some other things?” She asks and motions to the “For The Dominant” door. Jared takes a big inhale and nods after a beat. If he’s going to do this, he's going to do it right. He remembers how he felt when he’d realized Jensen’s hands were so much smaller than his own. And when he realized Jensen liked being called “Jen” and “Jenny” only by him. He can be Jensen’s Dom. He wants to be. He follows her inside the space, and she closes the door behind them. The room is probably a similar size to the main one, but long and skinny, with all its products on the shelves that cover the walls. There are scary things like whips and studded gloves and violet wands, and Jared is relived when Kim leads him to the less intense stuff, near the back of the room. She lets him look around but he eventually just looks at her with a hopeless grimace on his face.

“Okay, Jared. I’ve been working here for a few years, and I could tell you were a Dom right when you walked in. I can also tell that you don’t know what the hell you’re doing. How about I go check on your Sub and see what he’s into. Then we can go from there. Sound good?” She sounds really concerned and honest, so Jared nods and watches as she leaves.

He looks around at all the merchandise and wonders what Jensen sees inside his own room. Here, it’s mostly leather and metal and things that look like they could do a lot of harm. He doesn’t really want to hurt Jensen… He leans against a shelf and sees a collar on the opposite wall. This spikes his interest so he picks it up. It’s black leather, with a buckle on the back and a shiny metal ring on the front, probably for a leash. The label declares, “Lace appliqué available!” and Jared’s dick twitches in his shorts. He can imagine Jensen in this, his slender neck surrounded by thick black leather. The lace, though, that would be Jared’s favorite part. Making Jensen look even more delicate, black lace wrapped around the column of his throat. Kim returns suddenly and Jared immediately regrets not wearing underwear. She smiles when she sees what he has picked out.

“Good choice, Jared. Jensen will love that,” she says enthusiastically, so Jared drops it into the basket. Kim picks out only one other item: a cock ring. Hm. “Want to go check out?”

“Yeah, but um…” Jared looks down at the collar, laying innocently at the bottom of the basket. “Can I get the… lace… for the collar? It says that –”

“Oh yeah! You sure can.” Kim pats him on the arm and then leads him back out to the main room, where Jensen is already standing at the desk, waiting to check out as well. He has his own selections on the checkout counter, right where Jared can see them. There’s a pink, fucking hot pink, plug with a controller, and next to it a silk blindfold. Jared didn’t know what he was expecting, but that is not it. Jared tries not to look at the things on the counter, not even the ones he picked out, after he sets them down, but looking at Jensen is worse.

“Hi,” Jensen says in a slightly lower tone than normal. He glances over at Jared’s picks and smiles. Kim comes back from the room she’d disappeared to with the lace for Jensen’s new collar. Jensen’s eyes go wild, and the cocky smile he’d just had on vanishes. Jared wonders if he doesn’t like it, but when he catches Jensen’s gaze again, he knows that’s wrong. Oh, he likes it, alright, based on the darkness in his eyes and the way he causally reaches down and palms his dick.

“Okay, that comes to one hundred two dollars and fifty eight cents. But I’m going to give you our thirty percent off ‘First Time Shopper’ discount. So that will be seventy one dollars and eighty one cents.” Kim smiles and takes the credit card from Jensen, once he realizes he has to stop staring at Jared to turn around. She swipes his card and bags up their items in a green gift bag, complete with a black bow. She hands it to Jared, along with their other bags she’d stashed behind the desk. “Thanks for shopping at Permission. I hope you’ll be back soon!”

“Thanks for all your help, Kim.” Jared smiles at her as they start to leave. Jensen grabs his hand and pulls him out the door with considerable force. When they make it down the street a little, Jensen pushes Jared against a brick building and kisses him. Hard. Jared’s surprised, but kisses back, dropping their bags so he can hold Jensen’s face in his hands. When Jen pulls away, he rests his forehead on Jared’s and breathes slowly. He shifts from foot to foot and finally opens his eyes and leans back to look at Jared.

“Thank you. Thank you so much for going in there with me. I’ve always…” Jensen shrugs and blushes a bit. “It’s hard to say this… I’ve always dreamed of being a Sub, but I’ve never trusted anyone enough… But you, Jared, I know we just met, but I trust you. I know you can do this with me, I know –”

“Jen, baby, shh. I know, too.” Jared smiles. “I’m only fifteen, so even I think it’s a little weird that I am already into this… But I am… I want to.”

“Oh my god. I was hoping we’d address that. You don’t feel too young?”

“No. Not with you.” He kisses Jensen again and thinks about what they’re going to do now. He never thought he’d be a Dom, especially at fifteen. But Jensen makes it easy. He knows it’s the truth. He would have found out someday, and he realizes he's lucky that he knows now instead of later. He’s lucky he has Jensen to help him out. He’s so lucky.


	5. Promise Not To Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared and Jensen finish shopping, and Jared's nerves are relieved when he tells Jensen what's eating at him. They go back to camp and fall back easily into the Willowtide rhythm. They get ready for campfire in a considerably nontraditional fashion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took awhile!
> 
> As always, comment if you like it!

They eat at a little French café called Le Nid D'amour, which is small but cozy and serves delicious food. For the rest of the day, they buy more clothing and everyday things, bringing back bad memories of what happened just yesterday in their cabins. Jensen hangs onto Jared’s side like he needs to be there, and maybe he does. Eventually, four fifteen rolls around and they find a bench on the main street to sit on, waiting for Dan to pick them up.

“That was a satisfying day, don’t you think?” Jensen asks and looks up at Jared from where his head is laying comfortably in Jared’s lap.

“I do,” Jared replies as he runs gentle fingers through Jensen’s hair. It really was a good day, and not just in terms of how much they got done. Jared’s smiling slightly as he thinks back, and his mind starts to wander. He thinks about Permission and the items in that green bag that is sitting guiltlessly on the grass. It makes sweat start to prickle at his hairline. He’s really nervous and mildly freaked out, even now, at the thought of being Jen’s Dom. It’s not like he didn’t enjoy holding Jensen still when he struggled this morning, and he’s always filled with a rise of desire when Jensen whimpers at “Jenny” coming from his mouth. But still, there’s something that makes his heart tight and his stomach churn when he thinks about it.

“Jared?” Jensen says quietly from his lap. “What are you thinking about? I can practically feel your anxiety, and it’s going to infect me if you don’t open up.”

“I… Jen, it’s about the Sub/Dom thing. I’m really uneasy… and I feel like I’m about to have a panic attack, honestly.” He spits it out, eyes closed so he doesn’t have to see Jensen’s reaction. He feels the weight leave his lap, and he’s convinced Jensen’s going to walk away. Instead, he feels soft hands settle on his neck, the same ones that had done that at the beach, and during their first kiss under the silver maple.

“Jared. Look at me,” Jensen insists and Jared lets his eyes open. Jensen is sitting cross legged on the bench, facing Jared directly. With a deep breath and cautious, slow movements, Jared turns and sits the same way, towards Jensen. “Can you tell me what it is that’s making you nervous?”

Jared shakes his head. “I’m trying to figure it out, too. I think I’m just worried because… I’ve never even had sex with a guy before, and I don’t know if I want…”

“You don’t actually want to be a Dom, then?” Jensen sounds nervous and almost upset.

“No, I do. I love it when you’re dependent or weak… I want that. I want to control you and make you feel good because of it. But maybe we could wait a while? I want to be a scared teenager for my first time, I want it to be awkward, but I want those emotions to come from just being with someone finally. Not from being scared shitless about what I’m supposed to command you to do, or how I’m supposed to hold your wrists down, or… I just want you. Not anything else until…”

“Until you’re ready?” Jensen shifts his warm hands on Jared’s neck.

“That makes me sound so stupid.” Jared looks down at his hands, fidgeting.

“No, it doesn’t. I can’t expect you to be prepared for that. I’m not even prepared. I don’t know what I want or what I’m supposed to be, either.” Jensen kisses Jared’s temple soothingly. “I think you’re right. I know you’re right. Let’s just be normal for a while, before we do anything else. Okay?”

Jared says and lifts his face to catch Jensen’s mouth in a mellow, loyal kiss. “Yeah, Jen.”

Jensen smiles and rests his head down on Jared’s shoulder. Jared wraps his arms around Jensen’s frame, smoothing his palms up and down the warm expanse of his back. Jared just wants this right now. He just wants cuddling and kissing and silent moments of complete happiness. He wants Jensen.

Dan arrives in the truck and they load up all their bags into the bed before heading back to camp. Dan tells them that they can stay in the guest cabin until their original ones are fixed up, but they will have to move back in eventually. Jared doesn’t say anything in return, angry that he and Jensen won’t be able to stay there for much longer. Jensen tells Dan that it’s fine, but he apologizes silently to Jared with a glance into the back seat.

They arrive back at camp, and it’s sort of odd how everything is already back to normal. There are ten and eleven year olds learning how to force a canoe upright if it happens to flip, and there is a group of younger kids trying to fly tissue paper kites by the arts and crafts shack. The sports fields are still flooded, so the counselors for each group are watching their kids in the swimming area because Jensen and Jared were gone. Everyone seems to have forgotten about the scare from yesterday, and they are enjoying the sunny day for all it’s worth.

Jared and Jensen haul their goods back to the guest cabin as quickly as they can, knowing that it’s almost dinner. They decide to change into some fresh clothes, so they dig through the shopping bags. Jared comes up with his still unopened package of underwear (he’d avoided wearing them all day), a pair of dark jean shorts, and a pale green t shirt. He sighs and turns away from Jensen, undoing his shorts and letting them drop to the floor.

“You didn’t have underwear on all day?” Jensen seems genuinely surprised and Jared can hear something else in his low tone as well. Jared laughs and quickly gets a pair of the fucking ridiculous underwear out of their package before pulling them on.

“Wow.” The boys say simultaneously. Jensen’s talking about the way Jared’s ass looks in the tight fabric, and Jared’s expressing how nice they feel. Really nice…

“Let me tie them up?” Jensen asks quietly, stepping over to Jared. He turns and faces Jensen, who is blushing slightly, his lips quirking into a smile when he sees the front of Jared as well. “These are even better than I imagined,” he says, reaching for the laces. He takes them and pulls them tight before tying them into a perfect little bow. Jared just watches, letting Jensen finish. He tries his best not to get hard; the feel of the smooth, stretchy fabric combined with Jensen’s proximity is infuriating. When Jen’s done, he slides his hands to Jared’s hips, admiring Jared’s new underwear. He grabs at the bottom of Jared’s shirt and pulls it up over his head. The look on Jensen’s face is quiet, but the intensity of his stare, moving all over Jared’s body, is anything but. Jensen undresses himself as well, then he just wraps his arms around Jared’s shoulders, gently aligning their bodies in a slow, affectionate embrace. They stand there, pressed together, for an immeasurable amount of time, like the world falls away from their feet and nothing exists but the feel of each other’s skin, the sound of each other's heart beats. Eventually, they can hear the faint announcement for dinner through the woods.

Jared wraps his hands around the smallest part of Jensen’s waist and eases him gently back. Jensen keeps his face turned towards the floor, but it doesn’t hide the tears in his eyes, or the few that escaped onto the freckled softness of his cheeks.

“Me, too,” Jared whispers.

*******

For dinner, there’s spaghetti and meatballs, which makes it very enjoyable. Jared’s also enjoying the meal because he didn’t realize, until now, how much he missed hanging out with the boys from N. They tell him all about how the twins played a trick on Marcus, which wasn't difficult because he was extremely baked. Jared laughs so hard a noodle comes out of his nose, which makes everyone groan in disgust and laugh even harder.

Dinner ends and Jared helps everyone clean up the table, still laughing slightly. He’s got some really amazing people here at camp this year. It’s nice because next year, he’ll be an assistant counselor, and he won’t be able to meet brand new people like this; most of the counselors are campers he used to know, or ones that have been working there for years. Although, he is sure it will still be fun being a counselor with Chad, able to stay up really late and have more freedom. Jared sees Jensen and Chad sitting on the edge of the counselor’s table, talking. Maybe Jen will be a counselor next summer, too, and Jared will get to see him again. This makes him think about the end of summer, but he pushes those thoughts into a tiny cage in the back of his mind. Summer isn’t going to end.

Everyone returns to their tables and waits for Dan to give announcements and dismissal. Jared sits, and can feel Jensen looking at him from across the hall. He turns, and sees those fierce green eyes staring at him. He stares back, one arm slung casually over the back of his chair, until Jensen smiles, laughing and breaking the false tension.

Dan dismisses everyone and Jared waits, sitting in his seat, as Jensen approaches. Jared stands, still keeping eye contact, when Jensen stops in front of him, pulling to full height. He’s almost as tall as Jensen, almost, and he wishes he was taller. His doctor says he’s not done growing, so by next summer, maybe even by the end of this summer, he’ll be taller than Jensen. That would be… really hot, actually. Jensen smiles, seeming to know what Jared’s thinking, and lets his shoulders drop and his posture fall, so he’s slightly shorter. Jared shakes his head and leans down (down, holy shit he likes that) for a kiss.

“Ewww!” Jared can hear a little camper exclaim, “are those boys kissing?”

“Yes, they are, Jamie. That’s what people do when they like each other,” his counselor replies, pushing him gently towards the door.

“Oh, okay.” Jamie looks back at Jared and Jensen and sees them looking at him. He smiles and waves, skipping out of the hall.

“That was interesting,” Jensen says and rests his temple on Jared’s shoulder, the bridge of his nose rubbing affectionately on the skin of Jared’s neck. Jared nods his agreement and they leave to get ready for the campfire, Jensen leaving his head right where it is the whole walk to the cabin. Jared has a hard time at first, leading Jensen around like that, tripping over each other’s feet because Jensen’s not paying attention to where they’re going, but they get there in one piece.

Jared tries to open the door with Jensen’s weight making him off balance, but he can’t so they just sort of fall through it, stumbling and laughing the whole way. When they finally get to a traditional standing position, Jensen leans in suddenly and starts kissing Jared with all he has. Jensen backs Jared against the dresser that's in the room, making the mirror above it shake dangerously, but then turns them around so he’s pinned between it and Jared’s body. Jared grabs Jensen’s hips, finally getting with the program, and lifts him up onto the dresser top. Jensen whimpers at being manhandled, and it makes Jared’s body go hot. He bites at Jensen’s mouth and grabs at his ass through his shorts. Jared’s fully hard in those stupid red underwear the instant Jensen wraps his legs around his hips. Jensen takes one hand from where it was clasping desperately at Jared’s shoulder and reaches down to palm Jared’s cock. He sneaks his hand under the bottom of Jared’s t shirt and into the top of his shorts, just teasing. Jared decides two can play this game, so he reaches between Jensen’s legs and pushes roughly at his hole, too much fabric in the way.

“Yeah, Jared, yeah,” Jensen moans on a breath into Jared’s neck, grinding his ass down into that hand. Jared sees their reflection in the mirror over Jensen’s shoulder and shudders. A dark pink, patchy flush of arousal is covering his face, and his lips are read and shiny. He looks so fucked out, and when he pushes Jensen away from his neck, he realizes he's not the only one. Jensen’s eyes are filled with so much want they’re almost senseless, staring with blown out heat into Jared’s. His lips are something straight out of a porno, pouty and swollen and blood red. Jared must be looking for too long because Jen smiles and says, “see something you like?”

Jared snaps out of his trance and he realizes he does. He wants Jensen, and he wants him now. “I want to fuck you.”

“Oh, Jesus, Jared…” Jensen moans and Jared can feel his cock jump against his own. Jensen looks up at the clock on the wall and sighs. “Not enough time if we’re going to do it right, Jared. I don’t want it to be some rushed, quick fuck. Please.” He begs and Jared knows he’s right, he doesn’t want that either.

“Well shit, then… I want…” Jared looks back in the mirror and sees the way Jensen grinds his hips down onto the fingers that are still pinned beneath him, trying to press at his hole. Jared pushes himself back from the dresser and calms himself down for a beat, then looks back up at Jensen, who is panting and looking expectantly at Jared.

“Jared, wh –”

“Don’t talk. Stand up and turn yourself around. Lean over the dresser.” Jensen listens and his eyes go dark, obeying the directions immediately. Jared groans when he watches Jensen lean over as far as he can. “Undo your pants. Push them down, but leave your boxers up.”

“Oh, god –”

“I said don’t talk, Jenny,” Jared interrupts and Jensen cries out softly at the name, his hands shaking as he pushes his shorts down past his hips. They fall to the floor with a soft noise. Jared approaches Jensen once again and puts a hand on his neck, pushing the side of his face, not too hard, into the shiny wood of the dresser. “Stay here unless I tell you to move.” He lets go and kneels down behind Jensen, settling both hands on the soft fabric of his boxer briefs. A noise gurgles unintentionally from Jensen’s throat, like he wants to speak but knows he can’t. Jared palms at the warm flesh of Jensen’s ass before sliding his thumbs together, meeting at his hole. Jared can hear Jensen biting his lips against a curse when he pulls them apart, spreading him open. Jared takes a breath, the first hint of nervousness this whole time showing itself, before he leans in and wets Jensen’s ass hole through the thin fabric of his underwear.

“Ohhhh, mmfuckkk,” Jensen grits out, and Jared lets that one go because his mouth is too occupied to scold him properly. Instead, he just presses harder with his tongue, rubbing at the tightness of Jensen’s entrance. He can taste Jensen through the cotton, a dusky, forbidden hint: bitter, but not bad at all. He moans against the flesh under his mouth and bites heatedly there, forcing a gagged grunt of air out of Jensen, his body quivering uncontrollably now. He reaches back and clutches rashly at Jared’s head, trying to press him closer.

“Pleeease, Jared,” he whines.

“Jensen!” Jared has to pull away at this. “What did I fucking tell you?”

“I know, I know, not to talk, but I fucking need you inside me, please, I’ll do so much better next time. I promise. Please.” Jensen babbles, clawing at Jared’s hair where he’s almost out of reach.

“How can I believe you when you won’t fucking listen, Jenny? How do I know you’ll be good?” Jared asks in a raw voice, but indulges Jensen anyways, pulling his drenched underpants down to his ankles.

“I will, Jared, I promise, I’ll do anything. Just touch me, put something inside me, oh fuck. Oh fuck.” Jensen is almost sobbing now, his hands now positioned so he can pull his ass open for Jared, who is now ripping open his own shorts. He gets a hand around his cock and his voice strangles on a moan. He knows this is going to be over soon, hopefully as for Jensen as it will be for him. He dives back in, licking and sucking harshly at Jensen’s twitching pink hole before forcing his tongue inside, not letting the furious clench of muscle get in the way. Jensen shakes violently against the dresser and immediately comes all over the polished wood, screaming Jared’s name. He stays with his face pressed against the surface, even as Jared lets up, relenting only to bite at his ass as he breathes in hard breaths, about to come.

“Oh, Jared, come on me, come on me, please, oh shit, please.” Jensen’s voice is still as fevered and shaky as it was before he came, hoarse and desperate. Jared’s mind brightens as his orgasm threatens to break, but he manages to stand clumsily, all his weight braced between Jensen’s shoulder blades. With a pained grunt and unsteady jerks of his hips, Jared comes all over Jensen’s naked ass, white hot constriction exploding through him. He grits his teeth as the last few shots of come land on the backs of Jensen’s thighs, before collapsing against him messily. They pant together for a couple moments before Jared peels himself off Jensen’s back, his t shirt and shorts covered in smeared come.

“Oh, gross,” he jokes, but realizes Jensen hasn’t moved or said anything. “Jenny, you okay?” He rubs his clean hand up and down Jensen’s back.

“Yeah,” he whispers. “Just… I need a minute. That was... mind blowing. You’re really good at that, you know.”

Jared blushes and laughs, flattered and in total agreement concerning the mind blowing comment. Squeezing Jensen’s shoulder and kissing his neck, he walks away to change his clothes and let Jensen recover. He finds a pair of khaki cargo shorts and a dark blue striped t shirt in a shopping bag. As he starts to pull them on, he can hear Jensen stand from his folded position. With a glance over, Jared can see that Jensen’s knees are weak and his ass is red with bite marks. He looks positively edible, not that Jared’s jaw is up for another round.

“Ow,” Jensen whispers under his breath as he takes a step towards his own fresh outfit. Jared straightens at that, finishing quickly with putting on his shirt and then hurriedly coming to Jensen’s side.

“Baby, you okay? Tell me.” Jared smooths his hands down Jensen’s sides and kisses him gently.

“I’m fine, just my ass is sore. I’ll be okay.” Then he licks his lips, a thoughtful and feisty look in his eyes. Grabbing the back of Jared’s neck, he pulls him in for another kiss, thrusting his tongue in past Jared’s lips to lick thoroughly at his mouth. When he pulls away, he’s breathless, eyes closed. “I can taste myself in your mouth.”

“Fuck. That’s so dirty,” Jared breathes and squeezes Jensen’s ribs in his hands. He leans in for another kiss, but they’re interrupted by the announcement that the older campers should go to campfire. They laugh at how cliché it is, calming down a bit.

“Yeah, camper! Get to the fire! I’m a head counselor, now listen to what I say!” Jensen yells, fake serious, then laughs at his own joke.

“Real funny, Jen. Pretty sure it was me telling you what to do not five minutes ago.”

“And didn’t I like it?” Jensen’s face turns affectionate, and he grabs Jared in for one more devouring kiss.

“Okay, baby. Let’s go to the fire.” Jared grabs Jensen’s hand and pulls him towards the door.

“Wait, I have to get out of these clothes, they’re all sweaty and I smell like sex.”

“Is there any come on them?” Jared asks, serious.

“No.”

“Wear them.”

“Jared, I can’t they’re all –”

“I said you’re going to wear them,” Jared says darkly and pulls Jensen harder. Jensen bites his lip and drops his eyes.

“Yes, Jared.”

“When are you going to learn to listen?” Jared laughs, breaking the heavy moment and pulling Jensen to his hip as they leave the cabin. His heart feels full and warm, almost as warm as Jensen leaning against his side. It’s wonderful.


	6. Barely Hanging On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared and Jensen learn that this is their last night in the guest cabin, and they decide to do something about it.

The campfire is amazing. Jensen, as Jared notices, really does smell like sex, but neither of them seem to mind. And neither does anyone else. They sit in the last row, farthest away from the fire, and watch everyone dance and sing and laugh. It’s pure happiness, everyone there at that fire. There’s not a care in the world, and all that matters is how the cool night falls, how the lake laps against the shore, and how the sound of laughter and the crackling fire makes the music that is summertime.

Dan decides that it’s skit night, so each cabin has to create an improvised skit based around the situation they pick out of a hat. It’s a total riot, and by the time campfire is drawing to a close, Jared’s cheeks hurt from smiling and his eyes are watering. Overall, it’s been the best day of his life. Honest.

The walk back to the guest cabin is long, as usual, but very pleasant. Jensen is yawning and trying to pretend he’s not tired, but Jared knows he’s lying. It was the best day of his life, but he knows it was exhausting nonetheless. The cabin door squeaks as they walk inside, Jensen tugging Jared by the bottom edge of his shirt. Jared laughs and grabs Jensen from behind, pulling him into a strangling hug. He buries his nose in the back of Jensen’s neck and kisses the freckled skin, pausing to bite occasionally. Jensen wriggles and manages to turn around in Jared’s arms, looking at him with his green eyes full of happiness and gratitude and… something else. Jared wants to ask him what he’s thinking, but stops. He doesn’t want to know just yet. Or maybe he already does.

Deciding it’s time for a shower, they grab their bathroom stuff and head out once more into the cricket song night. When they get to the bath house, there’s a group of people leaving, and no one left inside when they enter. Jensen bites his lip and slides his warm palms underneath Jared’s shirt, over his stomach and up onto his chest. It’s still risky, taking a shower together, but Jensen’s hands on his skin are quite convincing, so Jared smiles and nods towards a stall. The one on the right. The one Jared watched Jensen in, not too long ago.

Clothes find their way to the floor and Jared turns the water on, a smirk on his lips from the memories of that night. Jared steps under the water and Jensen follows, their bodies brushing lightly in the small space. It’s a tight fit, but even if the stall were bigger, they’d be standing this close anyway.

“What are you smiling about?” Jensen asks as he washes his hair, suds sliding down his chest, down his flat stomach. He must have noticed Jared’s odd little grin. It’s quiet for another moment, Jared wondering if he should tell Jensen his dirty little secret. He should. There’s no reason to think Jensen would get mad, so what’s the worst that could happen?

“Well. The second night of camp? I, uh, left my bag in here and I had to come and get it. And it was really late.” Jared waits, hoping maybe Jen will put the pieces together himself.

“I don’t get it.” Apparently that’s not going to happen.

“You were in here,” Jared says, turning towards the hot spray and away from Jensen. Why does this have to be so embarrassing? “And you were…”

“I was…?”

“You were jerking off and I watched and you were whining and begging and you looked so fucking hot so I freaking sat down out there on the floor and jerked off, too and I came so hard because you were saying ‘fuck me’ and you were going to finger yourself and fucking, hell, Jensen. Fuck.” Jared spews it all out there before he can chicken out. His heart’s pounding because he doesn’t know if that’s really way creepy or not; he doesn’t know what Jensen will think. It’s really quiet, just the hiss of water, when Jared feels wet hands slide around his waist and Jensen’s hard body press firmly against his back.

“I was thinking about you, Jared,” Jensen whispers into the skin of his shoulder. “That was the day Chad told me you were gay. And it was after I made you do all those pushups, which made me realize how strong you are and made me realize I didn’t want to make you do anything. I thought I did, when I told you to do them, but it felt wrong once the words were out. I… I wanted you to be telling me. And then I knew that this was my chance to have someone like that. My chance to submit.”

Jensen’s confession is so honest and beautiful that Jared turns around and has to look at him. His face is red from the hot water and maybe from telling his truth, and it’s so pretty. They kiss gently for a few minutes before Jensen can’t hold in his yawns any longer, and the water starts getting cold.

“Let’s get to bed.” Jared nuzzles the words into Jensen’s cheek, rough with stubble. 

Soap bubbles are slowly swirling down the drain when they leave, flicking off the lights and shutting the door. Faint moonlight covers the world with a soft blue sheen, making it look almost unreal. Back at the cabin, the boys settle beneath the cool sheets, facing each other like the night before, quiet smiles and gentle fingers. They’re thinking the same thing, staring in the dark, but there have been enough confessions for one night.

*******

Morning breaks with the shrill alarm Jensen had set on his phone. Time to get up. It rained overnight, so even this early, the humidity is oppressive and makes the world move slowly. Jared finally shoots out of bed after Jensen threatens to tickle him, fingers teasing against his ribs.

The woods are thick and green with the rainfall when they head out, mystical and heavy. Jared reaches out for Jensen’s hand as they walk, taking advantage of every moment. Good thing, too, because when they pass through the doors of the mess hall, they’re torn apart as Jared is dragged towards table N. They guys are practically vibrating with excitement.

“Dude, dude,” Jack keeps saying, like he can’t even get words out. Jared looks at the other boys for some help.

“He’s excited because,” Chris assists from the other side of the table, “you’re coming back! Dan got the cabin all fixed up and I think you can move back in tomorrow! You’ve missed out on so much, man, you wouldn’t even believe it. Last night, when we were…”

Jared wants to be happy. And he is, sort of. He missed the guys and he’s glad they’re excited to have him back. But… yesterday was so amazing, spending it all with Jensen, and they haven’t even had the chance to… He thought they’d have more time in the guest cabin to be together. How is Jen ever going to fulfill his dream of being a Sub if they can’t be alone? He said that Jared was the only person he had ever trusted enough to do this. That’s something fucking special, and now it’s not going to happen.

Jared fakes a laugh at the story Chris is telling, but inside his chest, frustration and sadness and disbelief are growing out of control. He feels hopeless. He really… cares about Jensen, more than he ever could have imagined a week ago. He’s never felt this way about someone, and he wants to hold onto that. Now, it looks like they’re not going to do everything they’d been looking forward to. Jared sighs and turns towards where Jensen is sitting, and sees him staring back.

He can see fear and heartbreak in those pure emerald eyes, and knows that someone has informed Jensen as well. They exchange sympathetic smiles and somehow, Jared realizes they’ll be okay. They’ve still got each other, no matter what.

Chocolate chip pancakes are served and the mess hall goes quiet with full mouths. After the tables are cleared, Dan makes announcements, assigns the chores for that morning, and dismisses everyone. Jared gets up and walks out of the hall, frustration still tingling in his mind. He needs to be alone for a minute, needs time to think. He walks to the swimming area and takes off his shoes and shirt before wading slowly into the cool lake water. He stops when the surface is sloshing gently against his lower stomach, hands skimming back and forth over the rippling waves.

It’ll be okay. It has to be. Jared knows that what he and Jensen have shared so far this summer is sacred, and distance, if only a half mile between cabins, is not going to hurt them. Sure, it’s fucking amazing to wake up with Jensen’s warm body wrapped around his. It’s amazing to have hours to themselves, whether it’s spent sweaty and moaning, or otherwise. Jared’s never had anyone the way he has Jensen. It’s his first real relationship, and somehow he knows it’s a first for Jensen, too. And it assuredly would be if they could just have more time together.

“Sorry I took so long. I had to go back to the cabin.” It’s Jensen, wading into the water behind Jared.

“I hardly noticed, I’ve just been hanging out here,” Jared replies and turns. Jensen is smiling softly, but it looks slightly forced. It’s no wonder why.

“I’m guessing you got the news,” Jensen says and leans forward to rest his head on Jared’s shoulder, snaking his arms around into a hug.

“Yeah, but who knows. It could just be a rumor, the guys said –” 

“No, Jared. Dan told me himself after breakfast. Tomorrow we move out.” His arms tighten around Jared’s body, fingertips pressing into skin. A thoughtful quiet consumes them, just the cold slap of water against their still bodies. Jared doesn’t know what to say. What is there to say? But he can sense that this is becoming a heavy toll on Jen, and he needs to do something.

“Well. It’ll be okay. There’s no reason that this has to change anything.”

“How can you say that?” Jensen asks quickly, his voice shaking slightly. “How are we supposed to… I just thought that maybe… Shit. Jared, I…” Jen pulls back, shaking his head and letting his hands slide to Jared’s waist and then up his chest. His face is tilted down, bottom lip pulled between his teeth. Jared’s chest tightens with sympathy and anger. Anger at the situation and anger that something is making Jensen this upset.

“Jenny. Look at me,” Jared says, trying to be tender despite the heat in his mind. Jensen just shakes his head, his chin quivering with threatening tears, his hands kneading at Jared’s chest. “I said look at me.”

Jensen sucks in a breath through his nose and lets it out before raising his gaze to Jared’s eyes.

“Now listen to me,” Jared says and takes Jensen’s face between his strong hands. “I know we met not that long ago. I know it’s crazy that this is happening so fast. I know that other people probably think we’re being stupid teenagers, and, who knows, maybe we are. I know that I’m scared out of my mind, I know that I want to make you fall apart, and I know that not being together every minute is going to be like hell.” He takes a deep breath and watches tears drip silently down Jensen’s cheeks. “But I also know that we are not just two kids messing around. We are meant to be here, meant to be together, and it shows in the way we can’t imagine being apart. Jen, I…” Jared swallows around the words on his tongue, afraid of them.

“Okay,” Jensen whispers, his voice clogged from crying, unsure. He takes his hands from Jared’s chest and wipes off his face, then smiles shyly. His face is blotchy pink from the tears and his lips are puffy and wet from being worried. Wetness rims his eyes, shiny from sadness but bright with trust and hope. He’s devastating. Jared huffs a laugh and runs his hands up and down Jensen’s neck.

“You are so perfect, Jen.” Jared smiles before pulling Jensen close for a breath stealing kiss, gentle and tender and nothing could be more wonderful than that one moment.

“How did I get so lucky?”

*******

Through the entire day, they sit on the dock that’s parallel to the shore, so they’re technically at their posts on either side of the swimming area, but not really. They never once get into the water because it’s fine just sitting there, talking.

Jared learns that Jensen has taken a year off from school after he graduated because he needed to help take care of his dad. But, after this summer, he will be going to his local community college, and after that, he wants to transfer and get a bachelor’s degree. He wants to become an architect, to Jared’s surprise, because he’s always loved innovation, especially in city structure. Jared tells him all about his high school and his friends and the teachers he hates, along with the ones he loves. Jensen tells him he should become an artist, but Jared starts talking about nature, like he had at that campfire. It’s evident that Jared should become a botanist or something, where he can do what he really loves.

During lunch, Jared thinks about how happy he is, how happy he was just talking with Jensen on the dock. It’s so effortless, being together, and it makes him smile. How many people in the world get to have that? Especially at fifteen? He can’t imagine what this summer would have been like without Jensen. He’d been so afraid of being here, being gay, and now, being gay is pretty much his favorite part of camp.

The afternoon passes in similarity, conversation turning into conversation under the hot summer sun. They talk about their families, their pets, about loss and heartbreak and friendship. Time slips by too quickly, they realize, when dinner is announced over the loud speakers.

It was a priceless day of easy discussion, but they know that the end is coming nearer, and with that, the end of their last night in the guest cabin. Walking to the mess hall, Jared makes sure to hold Jensen’s hand extra tightly, so he knows that Jared’s not letting go any time soon. Outside the doors, Jared pulls Jensen into his arms, fingering softly at the short hairs at the base of his neck. Jensen wraps his arms as far around Jared as he possibly can, fisting desperately at the cotton of his shirt. For every ounce of unfairness the world has brought upon them, they spend a second more holding each other.

Eventually, they pull apart with dejected half smiles, saying everything with no words. Instead of going to the counselor’s table, Jensen follows Jared and pulls up a chair at table N, ignoring the questioning, silent glances from the campers. It takes only a few minutes for the N boys to adjust, and they revert back to their obnoxious selves, forgetting that there is a head counselor at the table. Jared joins in on the fun, allowing himself to laugh and joke, contented that Jensen’s right next to him. Jensen stays quiet, watching Jared intently with an amused, affectionate smile on his lips. Jared’s different when he’s with boys his own age, Jensen recognizes, louder and more energetic. It makes the prospect of Jared going back to N less painful, knowing that he will be having this much fun, still being a kid. He can’t grow up too fast, no matter what Jensen wants. He needs this. They need this.

Dinner is tacos, and everyone seems to be extremely happy about that. The room is loud with laughter and conversation as the dozens of boys scoop tons of items into crunchy shells. They are delicious, and there’s not a person in the mess hall who isn’t smiling. Well, that’s not entirely true. There is one person who’s not smiling.

Jensen eats slowly, not hungry due to the unease still stirring in his stomach from the thought of moving out tomorrow. He can’t finish his food, unexpected tears pressing at the back of his eyelids when he closes his eyes. Happiness and dread battle inside the boxing ring that is his ribs, confusing hits of delight from seeing Jared so spirited with the boys, and counter punches of hopelessness and fear when he thinks about the coming days. He hunches forward in his seat, wringing his hands together and pushing his arms down between his knees, folding himself into inexistence. Selfishness and jealousy boil together in his gut, making him feel like a child, a whiny bratty kid who can’t handle being alone. Jared is laughing with the other campers, at a story told by the twins. He’s smiling and being so openly joyful that it tears at Jensen. He wants to feel glad, but instead feels blatantly ignored, and it makes him feel even worse when he realizes how stupid that is. He shuts his eyes tighter, shuts out Jared’s smile, and he knows that’s immature and self-centered, but he can’t help it. He’s so upset. And Jared seems fine. What is he supposed to think?

“Jen?” Jared asks, and Jensen can hear a grin in his voice. It makes him want to cry. “Oh, Jen…”

The smile is gone, Jensen can tell. And it’s like nothing can stop him from feeling increasingly like shit, because he feels terrible that he took Jared’s smile away. 

“I’m sorry. Don’t worry about me, I shouldn’t have sat here. I’m just… I’m fine, I didn’t mean to ruin your time…” Jensen babbles and keeps his eyes closed, wincing at his own fragility.

“Jen, baby, don’t say that. I didn’t know you were upset.” Jared sounds so genuinely worried and apologetic that Jensen can’t handle it. Short fingernails dig into his palms when he tightens his hands into fists. What is this? Why can’t he just be happy?

“I’m sorry,” he whispers.

“C’mere.” Jared shifts in his chair and slides his fingers into the hair at the back of Jensen’s neck, leading his head down onto Jared’s shoulder. Lavender laundry detergent and lake and Jared fills his nose and mind, and he sighs. Heat spreads from the places Jared’s hands are touching him, warming the frigid panic away into calm. He uncurls his fists and brings his arms back out from between his legs, letting them wrap underneath Jared’s arms, placing his hands over strong, slim shoulders. Just the feel of Jared holding him makes all the terrible feelings dissolve. He feels dangerously dependent.

Dan announces that the campfire will begin in half an hour when dinner is cleared, and everyone starts to clear out of the mess hall. Jensen doesn’t want to move, doesn’t want to go to the campfire, doesn’t want to stand, because every passing moment brings tomorrow closer. He feels numb, like the dread is still there, but it’s muted by Jared’s presence.

“Let’s go, Jen.” Jared moves to stand, taking Jensen with him, an arm firm around his waist. It scares Jared, a lot if he’s being honest, to see Jensen like this. He has changed from the sexy, bright, tempting man, into this quiet, sad, unnerved boy who’s about ready to shatter. It’s frightening , and Jared knows what he has to do for right now. Protective instincts in him take over and he makes Jensen walk with him down the path, supporting him with every step. Sunset colors are painted across the sky when they arrive at the cabin, and Jared helps Jen inside, leading him to lie down on the bed. He paces across the room for a few moments, not knowing which next step is the right one. Should he leave Jensen alone? Should they go to the campfire? He is lost until he hears Jensen say his name from the bed.

“Jared,” he whispers. Jared walks quickly to the side of the bed and kneels down so his face is level with Jensen’s.

“I don’t know how to help you,” Jared says honestly, staring down at his hands when looking into Jensen’s eyes becomes too much.

“I do.” Jensen seems so sure, despite the shake in his voice, and smiles knowingly at Jared. “Come to bed.”

Jared’s heart skips a beat or two, and he’s lost in those words and in what they mean and in Jensen’s eyes before he can react. When he regains coordination, he stands and walks to the other side of the bed, pulling back the covers to join Jensen beneath them. After settling, he turns to kiss Jensen, but he has leaned over the edge of the bed and is rustling with what sounds like tissue paper. He hears the jingle of metal, like a belt buckle, as Jen turns back, and – Oh shit.

“Are you sure? Jensen, you don’t have to… If you’re not feeling okay, I wouldn’t…” Jared’s mind reels. Jensen is simply half smiling, genuinely now, and holding the black collar in his delicate tanned hands, the lace trim peeking elegantly above and below the edges of thick leather.

“I need this, Jared. I need you,” he says softly and eases the collar into Jared’s trembling hands.

“Jenny,” Jared breathes and closes his eyes. He’s so torn between protecting Jensen and giving him what he wants. Between being considerate and being turned on. He opens his eyes to see Jensen staring at him, with an uneasy, nervous look, like the last thing he wants is for Jared to say no or be angry. So instead of following the instinct of comforting Jensen with sleep and cuddling, he follows the other. Comfort, physical contact, becoming one. He sits up in bed and Jensen follows, still unsure.

“Jared?” Jensen asks.

“Shh. I got you.” Jared unbuckles the collar with shaky fingers, but forces them to stop quivering, and eases his breathing into slow, confident inhales and exhales. He needs to be in charge. He lifts the open collar to Jensen’s neck and looks him right in the eyes. The nervousness and fear he’d seen before has been replaced with admiration, relief, and something fiery underneath.

“Jared,” Jensen says again and then closes his pure green eyes. He lifts his chin, extending the long column of his neck, exposing, giving, it to Jared, who swallows and slides the leather around. He fumbles with the buckle, at the top of Jensen’s spine, for a moment before taking another fearless breath and securing the metal in place. Jensen still has his eyes closed, and is breathing in shallow puffs of air. Jared hooks a finger into the metal ring on Jensen’s throat and tugs, making Jensen’s eyes flash open and revealing lust blown pupils.

“Fuck.” Jared breathes before pulling on the ring again, causing Jensen to fall forward, their mouths hitting into a painful, perfect kiss. It’s all harsh tongues and ragged teeth, running on the adrenaline of this moment and the desperation that comes with knowing this is their last night. Jensen keens at the feel of the lace scratching at his neck, the leather making his skin sticky and sweaty where it rubs. He tries to imagine what he looks like, red lipped and green eyed, a frilly collar around his neck. The thought makes his heart race and he needs to get rid of the clothes he has on, they don’t match the rest of him now.

“Jared… Jared, I need… Help me take…” Jensen can’t get a full thought out from the way his brain has suddenly lost all coherence and how Jared is kissing him harder than he ever has. He eventually pushes Jared up off of him, from where they’d somehow moved so Jensen is fully beneath Jared’s body.

“What. What is it.” Jared pants but doesn’t stop, licking at Jensen’s neck now, where leather and lace meets salty skin. It is the most delicious thing he’s ever tasted, and a groan is ripped from his body, teeth scraping against the leather under his mouth.

“Jared, take my clothes off.”

“Oh, fuck!” Jared whines into Jensen’s neck and has to wait a second to stop from coming in his stupid red underwear. He bites at the sweaty skin of Jensen’s neck and slides both hands underneath his shirt, feeling a perfect, firm stomach, rapid heartbeat, hard nipples. He rips the shirt off over Jensen’s head, only detaching his mouth from that delicious neck for less than a second. Once it’s lost to some unknown corner of the room, he slides down and draws one hardened nipple into his mouth, sucking at it with mindless arousal. He can hear Jensen whining, almost yelling above him, can feel soothing hands in his soft hair, but the only thing on his mind is and endless whir of takecareofJensentakecareofJensentakecareofJensen. He releases the abused nipple from his lips and bites, kisses, his way down the beautiful sweaty length of Jensen’s torso, tasting every inch without skipping a beat. Jensen’s hands tighten in his hair and pull him up into another round of mouth bruising kisses. Jensen kisses him hard, so their teeth clack together, but it’s so appropriate, like Jared can feel that underneath the kisses, Jensen is crying like he had been in the lake, he’s curled in on himself like he had been at dinner. He knows that the kissing is so rushed and hard not only because they’re consumed by each other and this last night together, but because this is letting Jensen express his grief.

Jensen’s hands fall to the button of his own shorts, so Jared reaches down and just rips them off with his boxers, throwing them to the floor. Jensen revels in his nakedness, writhing on the wrecked sheets and pressing his skin into all the fabrics of Jared’s clothing. Jared sits up on his knees suddenly, the warmth of his body replaced with cool air. The moment Jared is upright, he grabs hurriedly at the bottom of his shirt, poised to take it off immediately. But he stops, midway through the action, struck by the sight below him.

The collar around Jensen's neck has made the skin red, and it is bruised on one side from the abuse it took from Jared’s mouth. Jensen’s chest is rising and falling rapidly and one hand is toying absently with one of his nipples, the other running back and forth over the leather around his throat. His cock is so hard it looks painful, red and angry, curling up against his belly. His mouth is dark red and swollen, open in an unbelievably sexy pout.

And Jared loves him. He knows, right then, that he is in love with this broken doll of a man beneath him, collared and depraved and so, so exquisite. He can feel it squeeze tight in his chest, memory of all the moments that lead to this one. He knows it’s insane, after so short a time to have fallen so hard, but that's life. He loves Jensen Ackles and that is the undeniable truth.

“I love you, Jensen.” Jared says it like it’s the most normal thing to say, like they’ve been saying it for years and they’re in their shitty apartment together, catching a quickie before work. Like they’ve known each other for more than a week, like it’s TRUE, because it IS true, and that’s all that matters. Saying it out loud hits Jared like a freight train, knocking him back into reality. He rips off his shirt, not even worrying about what Jensen is going to say back because that doesn’t matter, either. Jared’s in love and if he has to wait for Jensen, that’s fine. As long they’re together.

“Oh, Jared,” Jensen says and helps Jared remove his shorts, and when they’re both naked he pulls Jared down on top of him, shaking and grabbing and unable to stop this amazing thing from happening. He reaches back down into the Permission bag and quickly finds the bottle of lube inside. Jared is lost in this feeling, all of Jensen’s hot naked skin sliding against his, that he doesn’t notice. Their cocks are slipping against each other, already leaking precome to no end. Jared doesn’t know where to put his hands, touching Jensen’s sides and hair and lips, trying to touch every part of him at once. 

“Jared,” Jensen has to say, “Jared.”

“Yeah?” Jared asks after finally lifting his head, still rutting his hips and palming frantically at Jensen’s skin.

“Make love to me.”

Time slows down, their bodies still, and it’s incredible to know this is real, Jensen’s real, and he is asking to be loved. Jared takes the lube from Jensen’s slender fingers and spreads it onto his own, lovingly kissing and biting Jen’s mouth, the plush lips at his mercy. Jensen doesn’t need to be told, doesn’t even have to consider it, he just spreads his legs to the hands of his perfect lover. Jared slides the tips of two fingers in tiny circles around Jen’s hole, before pressing in. It’s not painful, not yet, Jensen's body to relaxed and filled with bliss. Jared slides his fingers out and back in slowly, breathing steady, holding himself up on one elbow, watching Jensen’s face intently. He looks so peaceful and so beautiful, staring up at Jared with fluttering eyelids and bitten lips.

“More?” Jared asks quietly, and Jensen nods, grabbing lightly, over and over, at Jared’s slick shoulders. A third finger breaches Jensen’s body, discomfort a little more present, but it soon subsides after a few decadent slides, in and out, of Jared’s long fingers. They go on like this for a few minutes, until Jensen can’t keep still. He begins to move up and down slightly on the bed, wanting this, wanting more, wanting Jared.

“Please, Jared, please, I’m ready. I want you now.” His voice is thick and low with desire, making Jared shiver and reach down to the bag for a condom. “Wait.” Jensen stops Jared’s arm.

“What? I’m just getting –”

“We don’t need one. You’re a virgin and I know I’m clean. I want it to just be you. Just you inside,” Jensen whispers against Jared’s shoulder, kissing softly after the words are spent. Jared hesitates, but there’s nothing but truth in Jensen’s words, and nothing but trust in Jared’s heart, so he pulls back and spreads more lube onto his fingers. Jensen helps, spreading the slick liquid down Jared’s cock with quick hands. Jared’s seeing stars already, his extreme arousal making every touch like fire. He spreads his knees slightly between Jensen's thighs, breath back to a shaky mess. Watching in awe and amazement, he presses the head against Jensen's hole, and it gives way instantly, letting him inside. He presses more, looking up to see the slight distress on Jensen’s face, but when he stops moving, Jensen grabs his hips and pushes him inside all the way.

“Oh, shit, ohmygod, Jensen,” Jared lets out, his vision blurring with the unbelievable pleasure he feels just from the tight, gripping heat around his cock. He can’t help but move, just tiny shifts of his hips against Jensen’s open thighs, his mind absent. Jensen makes a grunt of pain, his hole not used to being filled, but the feeling goes away with a few moments of Jared’s constant thrusts. Jared’s being too careful, he can tell, so Jensen decides to give him what he wants, make it so he doesn’t have to worry. He uses his weight to flip them over, Jared’s cock pressing into his prostate with the change in position, making a loud, harsh sound escape his mouth.

“JARED, ohhh fuck,” Jensen moans, straddling Jared’s hips. Jared can’t believe this is real; Jensen, this gorgeous strong creature, is going to ride him like a horny little slut. He grabs at Jensen’s neck, fitting two fingers into the ring on his collar, and pulls him down for a kiss. Jensen feels the throbbing length inside him slide again, rubbing relentlessly against that place inside him, sending a shocking wake of pleasure through his body, leaving him relentless and insatiable.

“Fuck, Jenny, my pretty baby. So perfect, love you so much,” Jared says into Jensen’s ear, his fingers still gripping the collar’s ring forcefully, making Jensen’s mouth land on his shoulder. Jensen can’t stay still anymore, not with that sweet filth in his mind. He lifts his hips and immediately slams them back down, setting a quick pace. Wrecked, lovely sounds pour out of Jared, encouraging Jensen to make it even better for him, for both of them. He rolls his hips on every upstroke, making Jared’s cock hit his prostate every time. He’s already so close, his cock sliding against Jared’s stomach and leaving a dirty delicious trail of precome in its wake.

“Fuck, yeah, Jenny, so good, so good. Nnnghhh, yeah.” Jared doesn’t even know what he’s saying, holding Jensen down by that collar, palming at his ass as it moves up and down without faltering. His cock is throbbing with the threat of release and he knows it’s going to be over soon, Jensen breathing hot into his shoulder and fucking him so perfectly.

“Jared, oh, fuck, I’m gonna come on your cock, I’m gonna come. Ahhnnn.” Jensen bites at Jared’s skin and feels the tight heat gather in his belly, ready to burst.

“Yeah, Jenny, do it. Come all over me, baby girl.” And that’s it, Jensen comes, screaming and stilling on Jared’s cock, his hips stuttering involuntarily at the intensity of his orgasm. He claws violently at the sweaty skin on Jared’s upper arms, shaking and making high, short noises. Jared slams his hips upward into the insanely tight grip of Jensen’s muscles over and over, working him through it and approaching, right on the edge of, his own release. Jensen’s whimpering softly, kissing at his neck, when he thrusts one last time into that heat and comes inside, pulling harshly at Jensen’s collar and digging his nails into the meat of his ass. He chokes out a groan and then slowly, carefully, fucks his hips slightly as he comes down. Jensen’s ass is still twitching with aftershocks, feeling so amazing around Jared’s slowly softening cock, until they’re both breathing steadily, hearts slowing back down to normal.

It’s silent for a long time, no words needed, not wanting to move, not wanting to ruin the wholeness that they both feel. Not wanting to disturb the exact balance of things in that room, at that time.

“I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read the epilogue...


	7. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally finished, sorry it took so long.
> 
> Don't hate me.

The rest of the summer was better than Jared and Jensen could have imagined. They did end up moving back to their original cabins the morning after that night, but it didn’t ruin anything. They would sneak out many times, braking into the guest cabin some nights and just staying in the woods others. They even got to try out the rest of their toys from Permission, Jensen really enjoying wearing the plug after sex, to Jared’s delight. Swimming became one of the most popular activities at Willowtide, Jared and Jensen making it much more fun than any of the others. The boys also became a sort of “item” around camp, Superman Louis even writing a stupid song about them and singing it at campfire one night. It turned out to be okay, just like Jared had assumed, because they had each other, and that was all they needed.

Just like all good things, that summer ended, and not without tears. The last day of camp was tough, and it took Jared more than an hour to finally let go of Jensen’s hand after Chad announced it was time to go. He stared out the window the entire ride home, feeling almost as miserable as he had on the ride up. Forty-five minutes down the main road, his phone buzzed in his pocket and he was startled out of his daze. It was a text, from a number he didn’t know, but he knew who sent it once he saw the message.

I miss you already.

They kept in contact for several months, but the unimaginable happened in February of Jared’s sophomore year, six months after the last day of camp, three and a half months until he’d get to see Jensen again. When Mr. and Mrs. Padalecki sat Jared down at the kitchen table, he was expecting something bad, but nothing like this. They were set to move across the country in four weeks; Jared’s dad got a promotion at his job.

Jared moped and sulked for a month or two, but eventually got over it. There was nothing he could do to change this, no matter how hard he tried. There would be no going to camp, not being so many miles away. When Jared broke the news to Jensen, he was more hopeful than Jared by far, making plans and being positive. But after awhile, even that faded, along with how often they would talk. Jensen continued to text or call Jared on all of his birthdays and all of the major holidays, even on Hanukkah, just to be funny. But that was it. And it hurt, but the pain subsided, just like everything else.

And it was okay.

*******

August 26, almost exactly three years after the last day Jared was at camp

“YES, mom. Yes, I packed enough underwear. Why do I feel like this is a common question for you?” Jared lugs the last of his stuff out of the back of the car and onto the sidewalk in front of his new home. A dorm building.

“I know, I know, I’m just your annoying, nagging mother.” She steps away from the car, along with Jared’s dad. They pull him into a tight group hug, and Mrs. Padalecki starts crying, sobbing really.

“Oh momma, don’t start crying.” Jared makes them pull away and wipes at her face.

“I love you, son,” Jared’s dad says and lays a hand on his shoulder.

“I love you, too.” Jared smiles, “Love you, momma.”

“Oh, Jare Bear. I’ll miss you,” she says before a new burst of sobs explodes from her. They hug again and then Jared’s parents leave, pulling out and leaving campus. Jared smiles, nervous and excited and ready for college.

He turns towards the building, someone helping him with the door, and he climbs the three flights of stairs to his room, which is filled with the other boxes of his stuff that he'd already carried up. He sets down his duffel bag and the last box, sighing and sitting on the bed, ready to take a god damn nap or something.

“Hey, I’m Kyle. Jared, right?” Someone says from the doorway. Jared turns and sees that it’s a tall, blue eyed guy who he’d seen on the hall earlier.

“Yeah, hi.”

“I just stopped in to say our RA is going to hold a meeting, like,” Kyle looks at his watch, “right now, so if you wanna come down…”

“Yeah sure!” Jared smiles and stands to join Kyle before they hurry down the hall. Jared can hear someone talking at the end of the hall, must be their RA. They round the corner and are faced with a dozen or so college kids sitting on the floor, looking up at the RA, who is sketching a really bad drawing of a cat on the whiteboard mounted on the wall.

He turns, and Jared’s heart jumps into his throat. Holy fuck, holy shit, no way, no way can this possibly be happening, how can –

“Jared?”

“Jenny?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> COMMENT PLEAAAASE!

**Author's Note:**

> Comment right now.
> 
> RIGHT NOW I SAY!
> 
> Haha please?


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